The Truth

It’s safe to say I feel better when I’m around you. I feel like nothing matters and I’m just… happy. I really don’t think about the repercussions of my actions on myself or others. I laugh and flirt and be truly and completely me. That doesn’t happen very often. I hope you know how special that makes you.

It’s safe to say we don’t make our friends happy. I feel like everyone wants you, and I can’t blame them. I feel incredibly lucky that you chose me. At first, them flirting with you and trying to be around you didn’t bother me at all. I can promise that is a true statement. Yes, I noticed it when they went out of their way to talk to and spend time with you. Yes, I noticed when you were leaning on that table talking to me and one of them went over and stood a little too close. It really didn’t bother me at first. I didn’t have to remind myself that I’m your girlfriend and even though you could have had them, you didn’t. I was yours and you were mine and it didn’t matter that they had no problem trying to come between us.

It’s safe to say I’m not really sure if this is true anymore. Am I the one you really want? I’m not stupid. I hear the way you talk to her. She makes you laugh, she makes you happy. I feel like I don’t do that for you anymore. I don’t know the reason, but that’s what it feels like. Just last week you whispered in my ear, “I don’t care what you’re mother thinks, I’m glad I’m with you.” I believed you. I don’t understand what it is you want. You told me you didn’t regret anything and you were glad you asked me to be yours. How do I know what is true anymore? I’ve noticed how fast you get online when she’s on, and how sometimes when I’m there, you don’t even bother to show up even when I know you aren't doing anything. When she was standing too close to you, she said, “Sorry, I hope this is ok.” Do you remember what you said back? Without wasting a second on thinking, you said, “Yeah it’s fine.” I could swear I even saw you move closer after that. I was standing right in front of you. Do you think I couldn’t see or hear? Do you think I’m ok with you flirting with my friends?

I always promised myself that I would never turn into the girl who gets annoyed at everything and everyone hates to be around. I’ve tried my whole life to be the girl who’s up for anything, who isn’t uptight. I never wanted to be the girlfriend who needs to know where you are and who you’re with every second of the day, but I’m afraid that otherwise, you may do something that cannot be forgiven. I always tried to trust you. I ignored them when they said that I would regret saying yes to you. I honestly just thought they were jealous. I think I owe them all an apology. I believed everything you told me. I thought I was the one you wanted, I mean, how could I not be when you had all these options and chose me? I don’t know what is going on, but if someone doesn’t decide that I deserve to know and tell me soon, I don’t think I can keep going on like this. I am literally falling apart because of this. I thought having you was supposed to make everything easier. I thought I would finally have someone that would listen to me and help me with everything, but instead, I got someone who makes all my friends hate me and makes everything more complicated in general. Just tell me the truth. I’m done with people hiding things from me that involve me.