Of Course

Of course you look at her first, why wouldn’t you. She is the one with problems, but doesn’t mean she is the only one. She has scars to prove it, lungs that are slowing turning black from the smoke of sweet old mary jane, and just all around her life is in shambles. You look at her first because she is more damaged. What about what you can’t see, in me.

I will forever be haunted by the sight of that blade. All those blades I would try so desperately to hide, but it never worked. For that reason I will always remember red… drenched... dripping tissues, the sheets spotted with red like a dalmation, and all those bloody bandages so filled that she just needed another one. What about walking in seeing it with my own eyes and then never being able to do a thing because you were just a little girl. A little girl once so innocent till she walked in on all this horror. Till the horror became part of her life. But I was always confused on why you looked at her first. As if I was haunted enough, I had more coming. I about died 5 times before I was 16, I was tormented when I was only 14. I have trust issues, depression, my physical body is failing as I become short of breath at random points in the day and I've tried to tell you and you never listen, and lastly body issues you know why "You don't want to look like your sister she is just fat and not pretty" hearing that everyday makes you think why you kept saying it... was I already like her? So whwy do you look at her first, I'm just as broken...