Why Start Now?

I gave you my heartfelt apologies and sympathies

Swallowed what you’d left of my pride

Played out like a somber, drawn out symphony

To make a connection, you never even tried

I didn’t owe you anything

All you’d left me with was trauma, anguish, and pain

You sat pointing a loaded gun

Pressed tightly against your head

This child’s mind instantly unraveled and undone

Starving for forbidden, affectionate words unsaid

Instead filled with beguiled nostalgia

Broken promises and false road trips

Painful, blistering whips, busted lips

Flimsy bones and adults abandoning ship

Illegal fellowships, adulterers commit

Childhood dreams clouded by the darkest overshadowing eclipse

Your strung out eyes dare not meet mine

Shame consumes every bit of your being

Emptiest of souls, no contact with the divine

Your hatred forever breeding

You pretend I don’t exist

Until that awkward moment you face

Like a persistent, infectious cyst,

You’ll have to accept and even embrace

I’ve grown immune to not having you around

And bonded with my idea of what you should be

But like every other dream unfound

It was only soothing lies, fabricated imagery haunted by a bewitching scenery

You never wanted to get to know me

Never showed interest in the adult I grew to be

I’ve learned to cope with no parental guidance

Stronger than you could ever hope to be, you’re cowardly and spineless

I wish I could just put you in my past

Conceived throughout space, daughter of the stars

Generated by the galactic, beautiful vast

Created from some celestial bizarre

But I can never forget you, you’re a rotting part of me

And you always will be, unfortunately

You’ll die missing bittersweet pieces

And when you perish, what remains of you in me weakens

“Goodbye and good riddance,”

I’ll say another day

When I’ve forgiven and acquired transcendence

Emotions not in constant disarray

Hopelessly wishing I’d gotten to know your mind

As well as I’ve gotten acquainted with my own

But your soul being so wickedly confined

You’ve disintegrated yourself to calloused stone

You’re chilled to the dissected depths of your bones

Growing more relentless and alone

Until the execration has possessed and overthrown

Buried deep within the ancient catacombs

Only perceiving your ancestral remains within my endogenous chromosomes

Extracting your enigma until archaic ruins are bare and shown

There will be no more to dismember, no longer tormented by the curious unknown...