What Can I Do?

I don’t even know

What I want

Who I am

Who I will be

Who I want to be

What am I going to do

With the rest of my life?

That is all my parents seem to care about

How are you going to survive in this world?

I want to be a writer

It’s a crazy, impossible thought

I know the chances of it happening are slim

But it’s what I want more than anything

I don’t love anything else

I don’t want to spend my life doing anything else

I wouldn’t be happy

Doesn’t that matter?

My dad laughed when I told him

My mom said it’s because he doesn’t work to be happy

He goes to a job that he hates every day because it pays

He runs away from things that are too hard

He only lasted a week in college

He doesn’t understand what I am willing to do

To make my dream come true

I would live in a tiny apartment

With almost nothing

If it meant I could be a writer

I am willing to suffer because if I can write,

It doesn’t matter

I will be happy

That’s all I want

I know I can do it like I am now

Just on the side

But the problem with that is there is nothing else for me to do

I can’t be a teacher

I can’t be an engineer

I can’t be a scientist

I have yet to find something else I would even for a second consider

But no one gets it

No one knows that this is all I have

I’m not good at a lot of things

This is something I’m actually kind of okay at

And that I love

I will find a way

To make it happen

I have to