Anxiety

i first saw her silhouette behind the curtain,

in front of the fire escape, she stood, i'm certain,

her halo rippled like the moon's reflection,

on evening waters, and i looked in her direction,

the way I would later look at broken glass

after drinking to the bottom's impasse,

she asked me, "who are you?"

"Ashley, what about you?"

"oh sweetie," she replied, "you're not Ashley,"

and at my confusion, "you're Alli.G."

she took my hand and intertwined her fingers,

ever since then, until now, for forever she lingers,

when I sleep, she preps my pillow and watches me,

i smell the fire on her fingertips, an effluvious potpourri,

Of sulpher, of mountain-laurel and hemlock,

when I wake up in a sweat, I know her clock

is ringing between my ears until i can shake it off,

my throat dries up, i begin to cough

behind the curtain, she offers me water

beckons me to her like an only daughter,

i drink from her hands, lips to palms, head down,

i plead for mercy when she's around,

on the nights she falls to slumber first, i watch her sleep,

her long hair at my feet, where I steep

and churn thoughts of strangling her with the hair

i had shaved off, but she still could wear,

then I cry because all i could do is kiss her cheek and thank

her for keeping me safe in walls of white,in blank,

i've tried to kill her, yes i have, but i am not a murderer,

she cannot be killed, she is a sorcerer,

although she screams when i wish for quiet,

although, by my worries, she is excited,

i know that in her arms I will always lie,

her voice, the last i hear befor i die

@chainedinshadow