Always (An excerpt)

She’s beautiful. Prettier than me. And you look happy. You never looked that happy with any of the others. So, I’m happy for you. I really am.

You sit in our favorite café at the same little table we always did. And she looks so natural there, taking my spot. You haven’t even glanced out of the window once. She holds your gaze. I’m kind of glad you stare at her so deeply. It gives me time to drink it in and compose myself.

You’re so fixated on her that I doubt you’ll notice when I finally get the guts to come in. I should leave. You want me to meet her. Get to know her. I’ll love her as much as you do, you said. I laughed and assured you I couldn’t wait to meet this amazing woman you were engaged to.

Engaged.

Fuck.

I’ve flown halfway across the country and now I see her and I see the way you look at her…

My whole body is shaking, and I feel like I could vomit.

I have to do this. For you. I have to go in there, smile, hug her, hug you, and be the best friend. I have to make small talk and get to know the woman you’ve chosen. And I might love her. She will be amazing – every bit as much as you told me she is. And that will only make it that much harder to smile, to talk… to breathe.

One foot in front of the other. I make it through the doorway. Too late to turn back now.

“Ally! It’s been so long! How is life in California treating you?” Taylor, longtime owner of this place, hugs me.

I smile. “California is great. Is Devan here? I’m supposed to meet his fiancé.”

“Same spot as usual. I’m glad to hear it’s going well. You’ll have to tell me all about it before you head back!”

I nod. “Of course!”

I should talk to him longer. I should tell him all about California. He’d love to hear about all the restaurants and coffee shops in Los Angeles. We’d discuss the latest trends and all the cool new people I’ve met. And I wouldn’t have to face you right now.

But you asked me to come here. You asked me to meet her.

And we both know I’d do anything you asked of me.

“Ally!”

You jump up to hug me and my heart races, leaping around frantically trying to escape my chest. It doesn’t want to be here and I don’t blame it.

“Devan,” I try to sound enthusiastic. You buy it.

“Ally, this is Raquel. Raquel, this is my best friend, Ally.”

She smiles and it’s perfect. A perfect smile on a perfect face on a perfect body. Her hair is fiery red and her eyes are the sort of green that you only see in Disney movies. Her skin is flawless. Head to toe she looks like a model. But you did always have a type. I shouldn’t have expected any less.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you Ally. Devan has told me all about you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too. He’s been gushing over you for months. I’m sorry I couldn’t get out here earlier. We’ve had some pretty big projects going on back at the lab.”

“It’s totally okay. He told me you were a ridiculously smart scientist. I think that’s so amazing. I wish I had had the motivation back in school to do something like that,” She smiles again. Or still. It’s hard to tell where one smile ends and a new one begins. She looks like an angel.

My stomach turns.

“It’s not that impressive. It’s just a small research laboratory. But thank you. I’m sure Devan talked up my intelligence way more than I deserve. He has a habit of doing that.”

“You're basically a genius. Get over it,” Your laugh feels like rocks being piled onto my chest. I used to love hearing you laugh.

“I’m sure he didn’t exaggerate at all. Everyone around here loves you,” Her voice is so smooth and feminine.

And you look at her again, like you were before you saw me come in.

“I’ll be right back guys. I just need to run to the restroom.”

You don’t take your eyes off of her, and just say, “Of course. We’ll be right here.”

I can barely see straight. My eyes burn. If I was any other girl I’d be crying. I’d have run out as fast as I could, curled up in a ball, and cried until the sun came up. Or whatever it is women do in movies when their hearts are breaking.

But you asked me to be here. You asked me to talk to her. You basically begged me to like her - or to at least tell you I liked her - so you could marry her and start that perfect little family you had always wanted.

Fuck.