The Hole in My Heart

What shall I do?

With the hole in my heart

That only you fill

...but you don’t want me.

For you to know the thoughts that occupy my mind would be

Painful - for the both of us

That’s why you told me not to fall in love with you

...but I just can’t help it

What shall I do?

With my deep yearning for love

That no one reciprocates for me

...but that’s normal, right?

For me to always want love

To be in love with the idea of love

And to fall in love with anyone who is willing to fill that gap in my heart

...but there is no one

What shall I do?

With the loneliness that haunts me, strangles me until I can no longer breathe

Maybe there will be a prince who will come save me from your burning hands

...but no prince exists

I opened my heart to you and let you stroke my bones

Yet you still call me “friend”

My experience with love is great

...but I am not worthy of love anymore.

What shall I do?

With the suffering I feel when we’re not together

When I’m not running my fingers through your hair or

When you’re not kissing me gently

Kissing you was a mistake because now I love you

Just know that I hate myself for it

Every night, I pray that the hole closes, that the loneliness, suffering, and pain go away

...but the hole just gets wider.