Today’s thoughts 4/26/18 15:14

When I was younger I swear I never cried.

Today I feel impatient with life but ironically wish everything would slow down.

My stomach is in knots.

I often wonder if I met my 5 year old self what she would say. She might think I’m cool cause my hair is purple and I have piercings, but I know she would be upset with me because I was always too scared to do what I wanted.

Sometimes I wonder if my little me was more wise than i am now. She was probably more brave.

Brave is a word that I’ve never considered myself.

She wanted so badly to grow up. Everybody told her not to and that she wouldn’t like it and that’s why I think I hate it now. Everybody put so many negatives on growing up that I really just don’t want to do it.

It’s the inevitable things that scare me. The fact that we’re all born and expected to do great things, be great people. But we all get old and forget who our loved ones even are.

I’m scared of my parents dying. It’s a thought I’ve had since childhood especially sense my parents are older than my friends parents.

A lot of people say they aren’t afraid of death and most say that’s something they learned with age but I am so scared of it.

I try very hard to be the type to thrive and live in the moment, take what today gives me. Some days are easier than others.

It’s hard to live in the moment when I’m always comparing moments.