Her Last Gift

“If you sing to the mermaids, they come when you’re drowning...” Mother would tell me, while tucking me in bed. I used to think it was a fairytale, a story parents tell their kids before bedtime, but I sang anyway. I would sit on the prow, absentmindedly gazing at the open sea, and I would sing about my dreams to anyone willing to listen, even if that weren’t my parents.

Mermaids were a rare sight. After the Aqua War they had retreated back to the depths of the ocean, but their lore was still very much alive. I did believe there was somebody, something out there that listened.

And so I sang. I sang for the lands I wished to visit, for the life beyond the water I wished to have, for the marvels that awaited me.

If only I could leave...

Years passed, my responsibilities grew, but I still found myself sitting on the prowl, legs dangling, pouring out my soul to the infinity of the blue. I never got a response but I didn’t care. Maybe Father was right after all. Maybe mermaids had gone extinct but my dreams hadn’t. I sat there, watching my life pass before by eyes, filled with longing that was never satisfied, and I felt such intense desperation that was a worse and more slow death than drowning.

A fearsome man, my father was; I had never dared defy him until that day. The day I had enough. A satchel was all I took when I embarked on my journey. It was time to part the sea.

Throughout the years I distanced myself from my roots, a painful reminder of the agony in Mother’s eyes and the scorn in Father’s gaze. I had to reinvent myself. The sea was all I knew, but the land was my new home. I traveled everywhere. I saw everything I could. I no longer needed to sing. I let go and I forgot. And it was enough for a while.

Until it wasn’t...

I was on a small frigate, on the way to the Capital, when I heard the news. Mother was no more. The guilt I felt at that moment made me crumble to my feet. Memories of her warm hugs, her sincere kisses was all I could think of. Her sad eyes was all I could see. I always thought I’d go back eventually, but I took time for granted and then it was too late. I could never go back again. I couldn’t face Father, I was afraid to. Suddenly I felt the burden of displacement deep in my heart. I had renounced my true home and that was my punishment. I didn’t belong anywhere anymore.

I felt the water calling out to me, the mesmerizing waves enticing me. By our traditions, Mother’s ashes must had been scattered at sea, and maybe that is where I belonged as well.

So I jumped… An act of cowardice but probably what I deserved, to die a shameful death. But fate had other plans for me.

As I was sinking deeper and deeper, oxygen running out, I came to terms with my demise. I thought of Mother and closed my eyes. Cold surrounding me, I could have sworn I felt warmth on my hands. I thought it was her spirit. It had come to me in a time of need. And slowly things went black…

I woke up coughing water, smooth white sand under my bare body, and realized what had happened. I thought it was a fairytale, but maybe she was protecting me all along. Maybe she prepared me for that exact moment. It was my mother’s last parental gift and I had to honor it. I would live with my guilt and I would move on.

And maybe, one day, I’d find the courage to return...