There’s No Place Like Home on Election Night

The Nora home is a tiny one bedroom apartment in a predominantly white and conservative neighborhood in New York City. The kitchen and living room are small in comparison to other homes and are conjoined by a small dining area – no space in the apartment confines or isolates these two areas. Cooking appliances (e.g. toaster, oven, refrigerator, microwave) comprise the makeup of the kitchen. The living room is home to a small black futon sofa and a small television resting on a beige night stand.

The characters, Mom and Herb, are seen in the kitchen and living room. Mom briefly exits for the bathroom on a few occasions. Mom struggles to express herself in English because of her heavy Spanish accent. Mom’s personality is warm, affectionate, and in a sense, innocent. Herb is a cold motherfucker, his millennial mentality and disposition is clearly different from Mom’s. Herb is ashamed of his mother’s accent and demeanor – he almost loathes her.

Mom [entering the kitchen area]: Herb, we having pork chops and rice and beans tonight.

Herb [sitting on the futon]: Cool. Dan texted me earlier and asked me if I voted today.

Mom [preparing to cook]: Oh, really? Who he vote for?

Herb: I told him that I voted for Johnson but he didn’t tell me who he voted for. He started asking me about Sandy. I guess he’s remorseful about not calling to find out how we were doing during the storm.

Mom: Hmm, finally.

Herb: He’s not a bad son. You know he’s got a lot on his mind. They just let him go and he’s always in his own world because of the weed.

Mom: I hope Johnson wins.

Herb: Me too.

[Mom continues cooking.]

Mom: Maybe Hamilton should win.

Herb: What?! Are you serious?

Mom: I only want him to win so that the people can see that he can’t really fix the economy.

Herb [condescendingly]: Yeah, but if he wins he can do a lot of shit to move us backward instead of forward.

Mom: [stirring rice]: Hmm, yeah…

Herb: Oh God, I hope Johnson wins Ohio.

Mom: Why? Do they have a lot of people there?

Herb: I don’t know, but we need their Electoral College votes.

Mom: Oh. I think Dan voted for Hamilton.

Herb: Yeah, Ada’s been pushing him to vote for that asshole.

Mom: She don’t care about nothing. She didn’t even call me to find out how we were doing during Sandy.

Herb: She seemed very cold the last time we were over there.

Mom: She don’t care about nothing…

[Election results are announced on the television. Mom sits down next to Herb.]

Mom: Wow, Bito! Hamilton’s winning a lot of states.

Herb [annoyed]: Everyone knows he was going to win those states.

Mom: Not me.

[Herb ignores mom.]

Herb: I’m starving Ma. Are those pork chops ready yet?

[Mom jumps up and swiftly walks to the kitchen. She begins making a plate for him.]

Mom: I don’t know why Dan’s always mad.

Herb: You know he’s had a rough life.

[Mom hands Herb his dinner plate.]

Mom: Enjoy Bito!

Herb [unenthusiastically]: Thanks.

[Mom sits down next to Herb]

Mom: Is it good?

Herb: Yeah.

[The television announces more Johnson and Hamilton wins.]

Mom: Wow Bito! Hamilton’s getting more votes, he’s gonna win!

Herb [annoyed]: Ma, it’s not about the amount of popular votes a candidate wins, it’s

about the amount of electoral votes a candidate wins.

Mom: Oh. That’s not right Bito.

Herb: Well that’s the way it works.

Mom: Did Dan tell you how the kids are doing?

Herb: No.

Mom [sighs]: I miss them. I wish I could be closer to them.

Herb: They didn’t even call.

Mom [sadly]: I know.

Herb [forcefully]: Stop bending over backwards for people. Look at how they fucking treat you.

Mom: I know Bito.

Herb [sheepishly]: Ma, can you get me some milk?

Mom: Of course Bito!

[Mom jumps up to retrieve a glass of milk.]

Herb: Thanks.

Mom: Who’s winning?

Herb: Hamilton.

Mom: See, I told you.

[Mom exits for the bathroom.]

Herb [whispering]: Fucking stupid.

[Herb finishes eating while more results are announced on television.]

Herb [ecstatic]: There ya go! Fuck Hamilton!

[Mom walks back into the living room and sits next to Herb.]

Mom: Why you yelling?

Herb: Because we’re winning!

Mom: I wish I could vote.

Herb: When do you get to apply for citizenship?

Mom: Next year. Maybe I’ll vote like Dan.

Herb: Jesus Christ. Yeah, go ahead and vote with the guy who doesn’t care about you.

Mom: Bito you know he had a rough life. I never wanted to leave him behind…

[More election results are announced.]

Herb [pointing to the television]: See Ma! That’s what counts!

Mom [sadly]: Oh…

Herb: See? We won Michigan, Wisconsin, and Colorado!

Mom: Bito, I love you.

Herb [quickly]: Love you too.

Mom: What if Dan voted for Hamilton?

Herb: Then he’s out of fucking luck.

Mom: Ay Bito, poor Dan.

Herb: We’ve almost got this in the bag Ma!

[Mom exits the living room as more election results are announced.]

Herb: Yes! Yes! We’re almost there Ma!

[Mom re-enters the room. Tears are visible on her face.]

Mom [choked up]: I don’t want Dan to hate me Bito.

Herb [absorbed by the television]: JOHNSON!! WE DID IT!!!

Mom [crying]: Ay, my poor Dan.

Herb [absorbed]: YES!!

Mom [loudly]: Bito.

Herb: Thank you Ohio!!

Mom [louder]: Bito!

Herb [yells]: What?!

[Herb realizes that Mom is crying.]

Herb [softly]: What?

[Mom runs to embrace Herb.]

Mom: I didn’t want to leave my Dan behind! I didn’t want to…

[Herb embraces Mom.]

Mom: I didn’t want to leave my boy behind! I didn’t want to leave my baby behind!

[The room goes dark but the unseen television monitor’s light continues to shine.]

Herb: I know. I know.

[The television speaks.]

Television: Well that does it ladies and gentlemen. Johnson wins by twenty two votes and

secures his second term!

[The television light flickers off.]