Shove it up your nose....

Dear Lawn Lover,

Thanks for nothing.

Just because I may look out of place amongst your cherished fescue doesn't mean I have no right to life. Have you ever stopped to think that I am a living organism just like you? Yes. I. Am. Life. Life with value and purpose; my value and purpose obviously unknown and or of no use to you. You humans have laws about murder; often punishable by death. What do I, the ordinary run of the mill weed have, besides my own Herculean roots to protect me from death?

You get down on your knees. I've seen you. You just rip my kind from life, throwing my kindred into a plastic bag making sure any life left in them is snuffed. Worse yet, you spray or spead with some unpronounceable poison to choke the life out of us. SERIOUSLY?!

Consider this Smartie Mcsmartie pants....What you spray on us penetrates the soil, and even if it doesn't get absorbed into the aquifer, which we all know it does, it's absorbed into the air and recycled through rain and fog. Did you know when you ran out to the mailbox in the rain that what you put on us the day before sprinkled right back at ya? No you didn't, did you Einstein. If I sound pissed, it's because I am. If we did to you what you do to us how would you like it? Huh?

So, the next time you run on down to Home Depot and plunk down $29.95 on a deluxe bag of your whatever brand of weed and feed, why don't you just open the bag, and before you put some into your garden spreader, shove some up your nose, rub some on your body and shake some on your food. Ha! You can bet your bottom dollar you're already doing that with every application to your lawn. Will you connect the dots when that unexplained illness comes for you? Touche!

Sincerely,

I am Weed and,

Proud of my roots

P. S. You may have gotten most of my kindred with your last application, but you missed me again! I'm just biding my time and spreading my seeds! BOOYAH!