Forgetful

I go out sometimes to the astronomy building to stay because my home is too broken and terrible to live in. Every second I come home I hear the screaming of what I did wrong or why I skipped school as bottles are being flown around me and punches are dodged as I try to stay on my feet because the second I fall I will not be able to fight back or settle. The punches and kicks are just too fast to drive away and another hospital visit and lie awaits as I say that I fell or got in with the wrong crowd so I leave. I go out and take the city bus to a broken down, old, wooden astronomy building to look up at the stars and think. Yes it is full of bugs and very uncomfortable to stay at but I feel safe and at peace when I’m there besides no one I know ever answers their phone to let me stay the night. Every day people act like friends to me yet they see the bruises and ignore everything they see. They never answer back or are “too busy” to deal with me or to hang out so I find comfort in going to that building. I sleep and study the patterns in the stars with everything going on forever and in infinite ways. It helps me realize that we are all just lost in a world that doesn’t care to find us and that I’m not alone in this place full of loneliness and despair. Everyone has their troubles so I won’t bother others with mine but sometimes you want to tell someone. Sometimes you need people to listen and to understand that you feel hopeless every day and that your not as bad or as quiet as people think. I want to talk normally with others and share secrets. I want to go to the mall with people and go on dates but that will never happen because people see my troubles and quietness and think that I’m too much to deal with or that I have no good personality over my type a work driven personality. They think I’m no fun or that I will be scared away yet they have no idea how strong and fun I can be. I want to go to parties and not have everyone stare me down at the halls because they know somethings not quite right at home or even shout comments like “what happened to you?” acting concerned about my well being yet that is the first time I’ve ever spoken to them. People block out the ones they don’t want to deal with and act nice but never get too close to these people that seem too boring to hang out with. Even if you try to be spontaneous and make a joke, people will find it suddenly odd by your action or will laugh nervously as if you are on the edge of breaking. So I will go to the astronomy building and forget my family and forget my fake friends so that I can finally try and get some rest and be able to concentrate in this jumbled up mind of mine that can only think when out of school but become a blank slate whenever people ask something or when you try to join a conversation. I will keep on living like this and I will soon be forgotten like a ghost does. People still won’t talk to me and will only stare when I’m all alone at lunch. I will continue to survive this way and just hope that one day someone will speak to me and truly want to be my friend.

- there are no happy endings in this world