My Current Situation

You can't control or restrain

When your mind sends impulses in vain. 

Some chose to leave out of fear, 

Others stayed although they were unclear. 

They may have thought they understood 

And kept it up as long as they could. 

It's a hard illness to understand 

Because it seems like it takes you to another land. 

Before a seizure you find yourself 

Questioning reality as it appears itself. 

It almost seems like you float away 

No time, no space, or any idea of the day... 

When you come back to reality 

Memories of what you did no longer be. 

Sometimes it's just of the time you were gone 

And sometimes they precede so far they cause you to become withdrawn. 

You can't remember the first time you held your child 

You can't remember the first time she smiled... 

It breaks your heart each and every day 

You believe there has to be a reason, a why, or a way. 

You've gotten to the point where you're becoming isolated 

Any friend you've ever had makes you feel outdated. 

They either slowly or quickly lost communication 

And if you try to contact them, they treat you with frustration. 

You can't do the things you used to do 

You can't drive, socialize without paranoia, think without sadness, act without contemplation of it all falling through. 

The only people you have are your family 

And you wonder how often they speak behind your back about you being an anomaly. 

The family member who can barely make it, 

The family member who is able to admit 

The one who has the most problems 

When it started with one and slowly blossemed. 

Yet, they still don't understand 

How that person who had everything planned 

Can't keep it together for just a while 

Without leaving reality, being upset, or getting hostile.