It’s Not Me!

Don't judge a book by its cover is what we've been told by our mothers

But what's the first thing we do when we see a motherfucker

It doesn't matter if it's a sister or a brother, a fighter or a lover

The thoughts they just hover and they really can just cover up the real side of another

When you look at me you see a sarcastic happy white boy with a beautiful wife and child

You see a family man that's smart, has a good job, nice car

Hell add a decent home to that pile

What if I told you that you're just in denial

911 you should dial cuz while sarcasm is my style

It's not me. It's not me.

This grand gesture from this bland gester is just a cry out for hope

And its the only way I can cope while I'm sliding down this slippery slope

You see, in me is a lost boy like Peter Pan

But even though the fairy tales may say you can

This is real life so lost boys don't make it home

There's no fairy dust sprinkling to get you flown

No grand piano to play made of bone

There's not even GPS navigation on a cell phone

The fact of the matter is that I'm alone.

The light at the end of the tunnel I've been shown. But I can't reach it

They try to tell me how but they can't teach it. I can seek it.

But there's a barrier, wall I can't breach it.

There's an ocean to cross with no beach but

I can't swim

Fuck, the lights they just went dim. I give in.

I can't keep fighting this fight.

A fight for life. The fight for life. The fight for....death.

Truth is

I die a little inside each morning when I open my eyes and I realize that I'm alive

Beacause I'm dead inside, I want to die

I can't express it enough how much I want to take my last ride, say my last goodbyes

Go to the shore and walk out with the tide, but I wont

Because even though depression has me wanting it, I'm not ready

My hands they are not steady

I turn my life around and the way that it's heading I can survive.

I can make it out alive

I've got friends and family by my side.

No more feelings have to hide. Nothing bottled up inside

No fear of the fight, I'm not ready to die.

And suicide, the quick easy and weak way to be free

Well that's just not me. It's not me!

These thoughts won't ruin my life. I saught for help to win this fight.

Because surviving this fight, winning back my might, living my life

That is my right to say it is me.

This is me!