Forbidden Places

Forbidden, not allowed, you may not do this. I do not like the word forbidden. You cannot feel or touch it. It makes me sad. It does not matter why. The reasons are not important. Telling me I cannot, makes me feel left out and lonely. I want to hide my eyes to sleep and wallow in my sadness. I thought that we were friends. Do not friends hold hands? I am lost when I can’t hold on. Lord, hold me.

To know you are present is not enough. I want to be touched by you. But please do not hurt me. I want to fly with you, but do not let me fall. I want to feel your comforting hand in mine. We two connected as one. I want to be like you, One on one and yet many. I want to touch you.

Without you is hell. I think it is not flying that is forbidden but rather the way that you do it. Flying as one is quiet all right if you can do it, but do not fly as many. It seems to tangle, twist and mess things up when you do that. What’s yours is mine and mine is yours and who knows who and what. Not.

Upon mine earthly wing I flew. But when I fly I get hurt. You who are my wings are not whole. Earthly wings are fowl. What are wings? They are what takes you with the wind where err breeze may blow. But you cannot fly you silly bird is all I heard. Forbidden! You’re grounded! No more shall you fly… No more shall you be hurt. No more shall you gather pain.

I want your loving arms round me without the pain and sorrow. I want to focus extra hard to see you when things are bright and sunny. I want to separate the dark from light and live in light alone. I don’t think sorrow and happiness need to be together. I don’t think I need to suffer pain to see your love in my life. I know you are there always, everywhere present. But it is the touch that seems to be mistaken somehow, all tangled up with pain, that same touch of love and gain. I think that I could find you all the same.

Forbidden, not allowed, you may not do this. Is that not where this whole story started, Original sin? I want to go back to the garden.

But how; how to peel away the dark scab… But even that hurts doesn’t it. Now wait, I do not want to die. I want to find you here. Here in the garden with me. Here as we live and breathe among the tree. I want to be in the garden with you not yet in heaven. And all of we, not just me, back to the garden we must be. Again, But how?

Humbly I bend on knee and speak allowed to Thee. “Have we not toiled yet long enough in dust and mirk and mire? Give us this day our daily bread on hallowed ground and garden.”

My eyes then grew dark and fuzzy and then nothing at all; Not the trees, nor bright sky, stream or window pain. Though I hear the bird and water flow I cannot see it. “My Lord, what have you done?”

Then I hear your voice like a whisper say, “Did you not request to be, in the garden with me?”

“But Lord, was my rebuttal then, there must be some mistake, for I cannot see anything. It is true I hear the bird and waters flowing, and even bees about my ear, but truly I would like to see it all just the same.”

Then whisper in my ear did He, “you wanted to rely on Me without the toil and pain. Would you any other way, do this just the same?”

And I thought about it for a while, and I supposed that He was right. Had I mine own eye I would not. Then He took me by the hand and we walked together in silence for a while. I felt each step before me, slowly as not to stumble. Clearly this will take some getting used to. But further we wandered and each step grew in confidence as I relied upon His guidance. I enjoyed the soft warm sand between my toes as we walked along a shore. I could hear the waves and taste the salty air. I felt the hot sun beaming down on my face. Soon the sand turned cool and fresh like grass beneath my feet. Orr each rock He carefully guided me; and around every tree I felt the rough bark. I knew each time to step or turn or bend down low. There is shade now and birds of many kinds. Their pleasant songs fill the air and oh the sweet perfume of flowers somewhere. Water is nearby; I hear it rushing over there. But still He guides me flawlessly and I have no fear. I trust Him to find me the way where ever we go.

He placed food in my hand and told me to eat. He led me to a stream and told me to drink. Then He bathed me and clothed me in a long robe and lay me down to rest.

And when He spoke He said this...

“Welcome to The Garden my child. You have grown and become strong and I am proud of you. But the more you rely upon My guidance when you walk, the easier it will be since you are blind and cannot see. I will not let you in harm’s way nor cause you any pain. So take heed, and wait on Me for your every step you take, no matter where you are; for I am everywhere present. Do not go wandering around in your own darkness or you will surely die.” Then I closed my eyes to sleep.

But when I awoke He was gone and my eyes they could see. Had this all been a dream?

And when I cried out, “I am hungry Lord”, He fed me.