What would it take...

It’s “different,” again...

Have you ever loved someone so much, every other thought was of them?

But then you wake up one day, and they’re gone. You’re filled with that breathless sinking feeling, like someone’s thrown you into the ocean with an anchor tied around your ankle.

That feeling, over and over again, because he draws it out, promising to stay. That it’s different this time. Every time.

In the end, he leaves. Because I changed, he claims. I don’t tell anyone because then it would be real, and in my head he’s still the same guy, laughing next to me.

It’s been half a year, and I’m thinking I’m over it. Then there’s a casual text... and suddenly it’s all there again, and we’re both wanting more, more, more.

It’s like falling in love again, but with a person in shadow holding your hand to stop you trusting so easily. But yet, I yank my hand away after only a few more conversations, because it’s only him.

Then we have a argument-nothing really. But it reminds me. And suddenly he “can’t be at the phone” right now. Or “he’s been so busy.”

I know I still love him. And I also know, well, I’m almost sure, he won’t leave me again. But I don’t know what I want anymore. Maybe we’re just headed separate ways. I can’t help but wonder if I’m torturing myself, drawing this out.

It’s so easy to see clearly when you’re on the outside. But you weren’t there for the memories, the shared secrets, or the arguing just for the sake of it.

Please, please tell me...

What would it take for us to love each other again?