Don’t Call Me “Nice.”

To me, after years of continuous experiences, "nice" means easily manipulated. Easily used, taken advantage of, abused. "Nice" means "treat me as you want for I am kind. Mistreat me, I won't hold a grudge. I will understand and let it go. Push me around as much as you want. And I will let you, I won't mind."

"Nice" means I'll eventually be tired of caring too much. Giving too much. That's why, when I hear someone talk about me and say "she's so nice," I feel a slight sense of dread. I can't help but wonder, "how much will they try to use me until nothing is left and I'm empty? Or worse, spiteful and bitter?"

"Nice" is more of an insult. Being called a bitch is sometimes more flattering. "Bitches" are strong and never pushed around. They stand up for themselves and get what they want. They're not afraid of being true to themselves or stating their opinion for the fear of unintentionally hurting the feelings of someone else. They get to have their cake and eat it too. "Nice" people are far too concerned about making sure everyone gets their fair share until nothing is left but the crumbs.

But, after decades of being a certain way, it's difficult to change and I'm still struggling to find a balance since I don't want to become completely evil in the end. Although I occasionally wonder if, maybe, that might be for the best. Kindness isn't always a blessing.