″ HAPPINESS ”

it feels like death follows her every move

wind against skin, lost in the dark of midnight, the wind that makes the smell of the death feel like home.

a serene ambience where sound is muffled out. the movement of water in the harbour

as she stands on the hill onlooking like some kind of higher power.

we’re alive

sat wondering why we’re here

lovely dreams of escaping to foreign land and spending the rest of her days in a small village off the coast.

far, far away from everything and everyone.

we’re alone

yet we are brought back

cutting her body in familiar ways

in ways the remind her of freedom or perhaps control

we’re hurt

troubled children we have no right to want to die

lives perfect and laid out in straight and neat ways because this is happiness

when formalities are obeyed because in their eyes she can't possibly love her?

or we can be lost and found at once and be left fucking dead in the arms of past lovers

we’re dying

young children they don’t understand the consequences of their actions

and did they stand there alone wishing for the wind once more

because they're capable of a future in which the wind isn’t needed. we have money and security.

we're safe

did you pray at night

for a returned soul without a receipt?

because we can’t escape now

this is our fate

we’re happy

and yet we’re still left wondering if life is a curse or a blessing.

we're a curse

we're a blessing