Dear Will,

You have absolutely no idea the mess you’ve got us scholars into.

Use pronouns, man.

I wrote my dissertation on your bisexuality.

Yes, sir.

Secrets, secrets are no fun unless you share them with everyone!

It’s all there in your oh so corny sonnets.

How did you loathe the poor, dark lady so bad?

It’s because she didn’t look like the fair youth, isn’t it?

If only you had seen us bookworms coming at each other...

’of course they had sex, no they didn’t,

he had a wife, yes but all of those phallic references...’

The greatest writer of all times?

Gay? Bisexual?

No fucking way.