Nothing

When my world is quiet...normal...I feel that I am nothing.

Ariel stuck in the mud while the sea swirls around me.

Can't go up

Can't swim away

Can't change and fight

At times I'm so tired of the fight that I just want to lay down.

There are those moments of precious perfection that I'm happy with my provision, but mostly I feel so shatteringly hindered that I feel I'm gone.

Catapulted into a great space of nothingness.

Every day trying to fill the vastness with food, fun, friends, and faith. Still it is there like massive hemorrhaging wound.

Never closing

Always bleeding

Growing year after year.

Often I feel I'm in triage waving my arms begging for attention,

No one is there to hear.

The people all around are louder, always there asking, begging, expecting more

From me.

But there is nothing left.

Just the vast expanse of nothingness

Longing to be heard.