Summer Love - Part Three

The next two weeks were pretty much the same.  Busy.  Nancy would come in every morning for her muffins, and every afternoon I would stop by the Fun Center.  My Pac-Man playing was improving, too.  Best score so far: 508,010.

I did find out from one of our many longer conversations we were finally having, that she and her boss, Sid, also doubled as her live-in, sometimes lover, and was also slightly kinky.  Sid liked to dress in drag and be tied to the bed for hours at a time.  Talk about weird.  Different strokes — different folks.

Nancy has two kids who live in New Jersey and every December, she goes back to spend the holidays with them at her parent’s home.  Her parents adopted her son and daughter.  Nancy, once upon a time wasn’t a very good mom.

Nancy use to be a hooker.  She hustled the streets in San Francisco, Seattle, Chicago and New York City.  She carted her kids with all across the country.  Her parents took her to court and won a custody battle for the kids and the adoption was approved sometime later.

Nancy quit hooking.  She was allowed to see her kids twice a year a week at a time or two weeks at one time.  She opted for the all at once mode.

It was another Friday morning.  Nancy came in as she always did.  Bouncy, full of life, and just as sexy as ever, even if it was seven in the morning.

“Hi, Bill.  Have you got a minute?”

“For you, I have a lifetime,” I smiled.  “Just give me about ten seconds to plate this food.”

“Think so, huh?  We’ll see about that lifetime.”

Plating the food and calling out number 27, I turned my attention back to Nancy.

“So, little lady; what’s up?”

“I’m getting off work early today and I was wondering if we could go somewhere private and talk-talk.”

“Sure.  How about Carmody’s on the hill.  It’s quiet and cozy.  They have a fireplace and an old gal who plays piano, though I don’t think she’d be there in the afternoon.  Claims she would play with Ira Gershwin back in the day, and it’s been rumored she was one of the Gershwin’s lover, either Ira or George; but you know how rumors can be.”

“Sounds good to me.  I’ll meet you there, say about threeish?”

“What’s your drink of pleasure?”

“I’m a Tom Collins kind of girl.”

“Threeish it is, then.  When you go inside, tell Andy, he’s the bartender; that you’re waiting on me.  It’s a private club.  He’ll let you hang out.

“Here’s your muffins.  Have a great day and I’ll see you this afternoon.  Bye, Nancy.”

We gave each other a quick smile and I watched her walk away until she was lost in the early morning crowd hustling to get to work.

In between all the cooking and cleaning I did, Linda, who also doubles as the cashier, deli-clerk, and who sets up the display case every morning with fruit, juice drinks, and also sets up the salad bar, walked over to me.  Out part-timer was cleaning tables and sweeping the floor.  We actually had a lull for a change.  Rare, but it happens.

Linda is about twenty-four, not quite my height, an inch shorter (five-eight), and very pretty well-endowed in the chest.  No, I haven’t overlooked her, but like I said, I make it a practice to never date, or do the help.  I tease her now and then saying that one of these days, those breasts of hers would cause her to fall on her face.

“Kinda stuck on her, aren’t you?”

“Her who, Linda?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Nancy?  Yeah, I guess you could say that.  Don’t tell me you’re jealous?”

“Me?  You have to be kidding.  I do like her though.  She seems like a nice enough girl.”

Something about the way Linda looked at me then, told me something else, but work isn’t the place to press for feelings.

“I agree.  Linda, she’s one of the nicer women I’ve met in several years.”  I stroked Linda’s face and with a parting grin, said, “Present company included of course.”

“Aw, go on, get outta here.”  She playfully slapped my arm and went back down to her end to finish setting things up for the lunch crowd.

The next four hours breezed by and before I knew it, we were closed, cleaning up and getting ready to enjoy the weekend.  After I had all the food put into the walk-in refrigerator, I looked at my watch and saw I had about an hour before I was to meet Nancy.

I wondered what she wanted to talk about.

**********

I walked into Carmody’s a few minutes after three and spotted Nancy sitting at the bar wearing a red silk blouse and white designer jeans.  Her hair was meticulously in place and she looked gorgeous.  I walked up alongside her.

“Hi.  Been waiting long?”

“Not very.”

“Good.  Why don’t we sit over there by the fireplace?  You haven’t ordered anything yet, I see.”

“I wanted to wait until you arrived first.”

I looked at Andy, the bartender. “Andy, scotch and water and a Tom Collins for the lady.  We’ll be over by the fireplace.”

“Consider it there.  So how’s the food business, Bill?”

“It’s about as good as it ever was.  I’m just grateful to whoever the person was that invented weekends.”

Nancy and I walked over to a loveseat about ten feet from a cozy fire.  It might seem strange in early August, but at Carmody’s, you would have to be in the atmosphere to fully appreciate what surrounds you.  Call it warm, call it cozy, but Carmody’s has always been a club built for romance.

Behind us and off to the left sat a white-oak piano now void of a player.  Over the speaker system though, light melodious music played.

Warm and cozy.

“This is kind of nice to finally have some time with you away from our jobs.  So tell me, what do you want to talk about.”

“You and me.  Us.  Life.  The world; anything and everything.”

“I can handle the you-me-us part.  I know a little about the world, but I don’t know everything.”

“You know what I mean; at least I hope you do.  Since we’ve been talking the last few weeks, Bill, I’ve come to really enjoy being around you.  You are so easy to talk with.  You don’t ask me for anything or push yourself onto me.  You seem to understand me when I need understanding the most and you haven’t judge my past.”

“Nancy, where I come from, they call it listening to what’s being said.”  Andy came over with our drinks.  “Just put it on my tab, Andy, and thanks.”  He nodded and left us to our remote corner of the world.

“Listening is only a part of who you are, what you are, and what you do.  I see a strong yet sensitive guy who is creative, energetic, and tell me if I’m wrong, but passionate as well.”

“I’m passionate about a lot of things, Nancy.  If you mean when I’m with someone privately, even more so.  But I don’t let my passion get out of control unless it turns into something fulfilling, like love.  Then I just get crazy-rampant and don’t know when to stop.”

She smiled.

“Can you control your passion now?”

“In here, sure.  When we get outside, I’m not making any promises.”

“Get serious for a minute.  Sometimes when I am home and it’s late at night, I fantasize making love with you, Bill.  When I wake up in the morning, I see you lying next to me in bed, smiling at me.  In the shower together, or at the zoo feeding the animals, at a movie, walking around town, window shopping, or down by the oceanfront.  Even other things like this, sitting by a warm fire.  What about you?  What do you see?  You can’t tell me you aren’t interested.  If you aren’t, then I’ve read you all wrong.”

“You read right.  My only drawback is Sid.  Granted, this relationship you two have is strange, but you can see in his eyes the man really cares for you.  I’ve never been on for stepping in between two people, no matter how much I may want someone.  I wouldn’t want that done to me.  If you were solo, as in unattached; I would have tried a long time ago.”

“Why let that bother you?  Sid and I live together, but we aren’t married, and we have separate bedrooms, so we don’t and never have slept together.  I really want to be with you, Bill.  You’re fun to be around.  You make me laugh, and I need to laugh more than I have.  I want to make love with you.  I want us to experience things together.

“Before you say anything. There is one thing that can never happen between us.  You can’t allow yourself to fall in love me.  We can have a great time and make love, but you can’t fall in love with me.”

“Nancy, I care a great deal for you and I’ve had thoughts every day about wrapping my arms around you, holding you, making love with you.  But what you’re asking of me is a tall order.  I mean, asking to not fall in love with you is like asking to go back in time and stop the A-Bomb before it dropped on Japan.  I just can’t turn my emotions on and off like a water faucet.”

“I know what I’m asking is hard, but it’s the only way we can ever be together.  Let me explain a few things I’ve not told you.

“A few years ago, after my parents had taken custody of my kids, Sid came along.  I was having a rough time. Still hooking and that.  I was heavy into drugs to cut the pain.” 

I showed a look of concern.

“Yes, I said pain.  I have Cancer, Bill.  Terminal.  I have less than a year at best.  Anyway, Sid came along, took me in with the understanding he couldn’t fall in love with me either.  The thing is; I know he loves me, but he doesn’t push, or bring it up, he cares that much.  We play our games and life rolls on.  As far as my kids go, it’s gotten to the point with each visit I make, they see me more as an aunt than their mother.  I’m good with that.

“They were very young when my parents took them in.  I know my parents will raise them right.  I love them dearly, but I can’t give them what they need.  My parents can.

“Maybe it’s just part of the years I lived on the streets that’s made me this way, but love has no concept in my life.  If I weren’t going to die, yeah; I think things would probably be different.  Sid and I have a good thing going and we keep it that way.  I want to have a good thing with you, and want to keep it, hopefully, just a little better.  I don’t know; please, just humor me, will you?”

I looked her in the eyes and saw the pleading lost look of the little girl trapped within her.  Even then, she was more beautiful than ever.

“You are asking a lot from me.  I’m not sure I can fill what you want and need.  God, you make it hard on a man.”

“I hope so,” she laughed.

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”  I still smiled though.

“You’re making it difficult for me to say yes, and if I say no, then I’ll feel like I lost the opportunity of a lifetime and feel like a jerk at the same time.

“Give me a few days to sort all this out, okay?  I’ve never been approached like this before by a woman, Nancy.

“I wasn’t expecting the afternoon to start out like this.  Here I am thinking that I was the one who was supposed to make the move on you, not you on me.

“For now, I have the perfect solution.  Why don’t I get us another drink, and we’ll sit here and talk about something other than having an affair.”

Nancy reached over, kissed my lips lightly, then with a bit more insistence, then pulled back and smiled.

“I’m glad you said what you did just now.  If you had agreed right away, I would have turned you down.  It tells me you have real feelings underneath your otherwise outward appearance of someone filled with comedy and the attitude of Mister I-don’t-give-a-damn.  I knew I made the right choice about and with you.  It’s one of the things I knew you could be; sensible.  Now that’s what I call a great combination, funny and sensible.  Good looking, too.

“Take the time you need.  Give it some thought.  You let me know when you’re ready, or if you want to keep things the way they are now.  Take all the time you need.  I’m not going anywhere for a while.  And another drink sounds good.”

I went up to the bar, handed him two empty glasses, asking for another round as before, when he made a quiet, but open statement.

“I’ve got to say this, Bill, that’s the first chick I’ve seen you with since you’ve been coming in here.  She your wife?  Man, what a knockout.  You sure know how to pick’em.  What’s your secret?”

Shrugging my shoulders, I grinned.  “Andy, all you have to do is be is funny and sensible.”  I picked up the two new drinks and left Andy with a rather odd look on his face.

Nancy and I had one more drink before she had to leave.  She had to be back home before Sid.  I walked her out to her car, opened her door, and we kissed once more; a short yet lingering kiss, with a promise of more.

As she settled behind the wheel she looked up at me and said, “I won’t be coming into the Gardens for a while.  At least not until you let me know what your decision is.  I don’t want to pressure you.  Take the time you need.  Okay?”

“Sure.  I understand.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that other junk.”

Smiling at each other once more, she turned the ignition, the engine roared to life and pulled away.  I turned, walked behind Carmody’s, where my car was parked in the private lot and drove back to my apartment, thinking the entire drive back about what we talked about, and the way—the only way it could be.

What a deal.  I can love her but not be in love with her.  She’s going to die, and neither I, nor anyone can change that.  I want more out of this than she’ll let me give.  The whole thing doesn’t sound fair.  It’s not fair!  I’m already in love with her!  I finally found the one woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, and because of her cancer, it’s never going to happen.  What to do, what to do.

Not a damn thing.