Summer Love - Part Seven

I called Linda just after seven Sunday morning at her home and explained to her what had happened.

“Oh, that’s terrible, Bill.  Don’t worry about coming in Monday if you aren’t up for it.  I can have your shift covered.  I’ll just call our boss, he won’t mind covering for you.  Take all the time you need.  And don’t forget about that shoulder, too.”

“I haven’t.  You’re a life-saver.  Thanks, Linda.”

Sid left shortly after I spoke with Linda to go to the Fun Center long enough to find someone to replace Nancy for a few days.  When he returned later that morning, I told him I hadn’t heard anything new,

I knew we had to look like two stray dogs standing on one leg, but it was almost noon when we were both stunned, surprised, angry, and happy all at the same time as Nancy came walking toward us.

She looked pale, almost yellowish in color, and her lively bounce wasn’t so lively.

“Hi, guys.  Been waiting long?”

She went right to Sid, hugged him, then turned and hugged me.

Turning back to Sid, she said, “Take me home, please.  I’m tired of the doctors poking and prodding me.  They aren’t telling me anything I don’t already know.  I need to get some rest for the next few days.”

I was stunned.

“Why aren’t you staying here where they can keep an eye on you, for God’s sake!”

“Because I hate hospitals, that’s why.  I checked myself out.”

“Why?  That makes no sense.”

“Look, Bill.  Let me make this real simple for you.  If you think I’m going to stay in a white, stay-puff hospital while they fill my arms with drugs and sedatives and shove tubes down my throat, and give me chemo that’ll make my hair fall out, and where I’ll start dropping weight and wither away to nothing, then you’re full of shit!  I’m not going to die by hospital rules and regulations!  I don’t want anyone seeing me fade away into nothing more than a helpless, pleading bitch!  Can you finally understand?

“C’mon, Sid, let’s get out of here.  The smell here is terrible.  I want to go home.”

Sid looked at me with a knowing smile that said, “You won’t be, but I’ll always be here for her.”

I watched as Sid wrapped his right arm around her waist, her head leaned against his shoulder as they went out through the automatic doors, turned left and were gone from sight.

Standing alone in the corridor, I never felt so helpless, never so alone in my life.  The one woman I really loved, left me with some serious doubts about myself.  I became the one thing I never wanted to be: possessive.

I was strangling her freedom.

**********

The next week became the week from hell.

I called her at the apartment, but Sid would answer saying she was unavailable, and even said she didn’t ever want to speak with me again. I called her answering machine and it would kick in and her voice saying to leave a message.  I left messages every hour to the point her mailbox was filled.  I never got a call back.  I tried the Fun Center, but a new girl named Ginger, said Nancy didn’t work there any longer.  Sid was nowhere to be found so I couldn’t question him. It was as if Nancy dropped off the face of the earth.

I drove to her apartment.  Rang her doorbell.  No answer.

I couldn’t help but believe I blew it.  Somewhere along the line, I cared too much.  I hardly slept, missed meals, and even started showing up for work late.  I was turning into a real case of nuts with no bolts.

Saturday night I was in the Wagon Wheel drinking whiskey shots, listening to Dianne rant and rave about how good that night was when we were together.

“Tell me, lover.  How does tonight sound for an encore performance?  I could sure use some more of that talented body of yours in mine.”

“We’ll see what happens.”

Every shot I downed, I kept seeing Nancy’s face.  Every time Dianne spoke, I heard Nancy’s voice.  I was hooked on her, and damned for it at the same time.

“Hi, good looking.  Buy a lady a drink?”

I turned to look behind me and saw Linda, looking far different than she did at work.  At least I thought it was Linda.  I was close to two winds in a sheet or something like that.  But the voice sounded like hers.

“Linda?  Is that you?  Damn, you look good.  Sure, have a seat, and I’ll buy you a drink.  That’s what friends are for.”

I looked at Dianne who didn’t look very happy to see Linda sitting next to me, but what the hell.  I told her to get me another drink and whatever Linda wanted.  She ordered Bacardi and coke.

“Bill, you know you can’t keep going like this.  At the rate you’re going, you’ll drink yourself to death by morning.”

“At least I won’t have a hangover.”

“Cute.  At least you haven’t lost your sense of humor.  I tried calling your place earlier, even went to Carmody’s looking for you, but I never expected to find you in here at night.”

“Why were you looking for me?  Did you have a hot date turn cold on you?”

She laughed.

“No, no hot date.  If I do have a cold one though, it better be after we get it on.  Seriously, I figured you could use a friend, especially after this.”  She reached inside her purse and handed me an envelope.

“What’s this?  My pink slip?  Did I get fired?”

“No.  It’s from Nancy.  She gave it to me yesterday afternoon.  She made me promise to wait twenty-four hours before I could give it to you.  Believe me that was a hard promise to keep.”

Ripping the envelope from her hand, I stood, half-walking, half-staggering to a booth where the lighting was better and started reading.

Dear Bill,

I’ve left town.  I want you to know I’m sorry for shouting at you

at the hospital.  I’m also sorry for not answering any of your calls

or seeing you.  I guess the bottom line is; the reality of that night

hit me harder than I could have ever imagined.  That, and the fact

I was starting to fall in love with you (yeah, I know, I broke my own

rule).  You are one hell of a man.  I wish we could have been together

under different circumstances.  Don’t worry, I left alone.  Sid told me

about the talk you both had, and I told him he was on his own. 

Please, don’t try to find me, that won’t do either of us any good.  Just

keep good thoughts—sweet thoughts of what we had.  I know I will. 

The time we had, I will always cherish.  Love is a real bitch.  I guess you

already know that.  Take care of yourself.  You will be in my thoughts

even after I’m gone.  It’s party time.

Love You,

Nancy

I looked up and saw Linda standing next to me.

“It’s over, Linda.  She’s gone.  She’s left town.”

“What’ll you do now?”

“I don’t know.  Everything is such a mess right now.  She said she doesn’t want me looking for her.  I know if I do, that might things worse for me and her.”

“I really am jealous of her, you know that?”

“You?  Jealous?  Of what?”

“She had someone who really knew how to give unconditionally.  You made her feel special in a way most women only fantasize about; didn’t you know that?  I would give anything to have a man love me the way you love her.”

“C’mon, you’ve been in love before.”

“Maybe.  There’s been a time or two I thought so, but never by a man like you.  You gave Nancy everything you could and then some.  You gave and gave until you were drained, and you still found a way to come up with that extra something.

“It’s going to take a long time before you get over the hurt of her leaving, but I’d like to help.”

“How?  Never mind, forget I asked.  Thanks, Linda, you’re a good person underneath all that talk you do at work.”

“Talk!  I’ll have you know I back up everything I say, and I still say you have the cutest buns in town.”

“Cut it out, will you?”

“No.  You cut it out.  This might not be the best time to tell you this, but I probably won’t get another chance.  I’ve been after you since the first day you started working at the Gardens.  The only reason I held back is because you once said you don’t go out with a co-worker, so I kept my mouth shut until now.  There, I’ve had my say.”

I knew I was getting drunk but not that drunk that I knew what she said wasn’t fancy talk, or the girl I knew who was trying to be cute.

“It’s nice to be needed, Linda.  I don’t know if it’s the wrong time or not because I’m feeling bad and know I’m getting messed up.  I also know I don’t want to be alone tonight.  How about that shoulder you offered?  Can I use it now?”

“If it’s the only way I can get you into my bed, I’m game.  We’ll use my car.  In the morning, you can come back for yours.”

“It’s at my apartment.  I knew better than to drive tonight.”

“All the better.  This way, you won’t get run over by a bicycle or something.”

As we started to leave, Dianne walked over to us but looked me in the eyes.

“Hey, hon.  What about us tonight?  I thought we were going to have a repeat again.” 

Through blurry eyes and the beginning of tears, I looked at her flatly, saying, “Dianne, do us both a favor; get a life why don’t you.”

**********

The next morning I found myself in Linda’s bed, but Linda wasn’t there.  Sitting upright, I called out her name.

“I’m in the kitchen.”

Getting out of bed, I looked for my pants which were draped over a chair, put them on and slowly walked into the kitchen.  My head hurt.

“Morning, handsome.  Want some coffee?”

“Some?  I want all you have.  Ah, did we, well … do anything last night?”

She burst out laughing.

“Want me to lie to you or tell the truth?”

“Truth.”

“Not a damn thing except spend twenty minutes getting you out of your clothes and into bed.  Do you have any idea how loud you snore?” she chided as she set a steaming mug of coffee in front of me.

“I do not snore.”

Silence ruled for a short time before Linda brought two plates to the table, filled with scrambled eggs, fried potatoes and sausage.

Taking a few bites, I looked at Linda and said, “You know, Linda, this isn’t going to work.  I’m straight now, and she’s still inside my head.”

“What did you expect?  Did you think you would wake up and Nancy would be erased from your thoughts?  Bill, when you’re in love, and that love gets hurt, it takes time for the hurt to heal.”

“Maybe so, but I have to find her, you know that don’t you?  I can’t just let her disappear like this; I just can’t.”

“Get real.  You have no idea where to start looking for her.  Tell me, where is she this very minute.”

“How the hell would I know?  Wait a minute.  Let me use your phone.  I want to make a long-distance call.  I’ll pay you for it.”

Linda frowned but nodded her head.  She pointed to the wall phone next to the kitchen entrance.

I dialed a number in Scranton, New Jersey.  After the third ring, an older woman’s voice came on the line.

“Yes, hello.  Is this Nancy’s mother?”

“Yes, it is.  Who’s calling?”

“My name is Bill, a close friend of Nancy’s.  Is she there right now?”

“No.  She hasn’t lived here in a long time.”

“Would you happen to have an idea where I could reach her?”

“She lives in San Francisco is all I know.”

“I know that.  Has she tried calling you in the last week or so?”

“No, she hasn’t, but if you know where she lives, why call me?  Who did you say you were again?”

I hung up the phone.  I was exasperated.  I went back to the table, sat down to finish my breakfast.

“Face it, Bill.  If you ever do find her, it’ll be like the needle in the haystack.”

I finished up the last of the eggs and coffee and replied gently, “Linda, I have to try, if just for my own peace of mind.  I just have to.”

Linda walked over to me, wrapped her arms around me and squeezed tightly.

“I guess if I can’t change your mind, you’ll just have to go after her.  Just remember when you either get tired of looking, or finally face the fact you can’t find her; I’ll be here waiting to have another cup of coffee with you, okay?”

We kissed lightly, our lips barely grazing the other.  She pressed against me tightly, searching, hoping for more, but I gently pulled away, smiled and kissed her quickly once more.

I went back to the bedroom and found the rest of my clothes and when I was fully dressed, Linda drove me back to my apartment.  We hugged and kissed once more before I stepped out of her car.  As I waved goodbye to her, I could see her crying.