Castle on lies.

And there again. A dozen bricks stumbling on my heart. So fast it didn’t even bleed. So hard I couldn’t even breathe. Neither the bricks piled up, allowing my feelings to be unveiled by a wall. Emotions ran wilder than my hair in the wind, were prevailing in being heavier than the bricks. All squeezing eachother in my throat, making gulping hard visible. Even visible were the tears surfing in my eyes, and myself never feeling more insecure before. Everyone saw, but no one dared to question. I was stuttering, speaking with veil of logic on fire. My mind wasn’t able to escape from the well in which his words echoed. ‘And that day, oh god, she entered the class and my heart skipped beat after beat until I knew I was in love in which I never believed.′ His voice was wrapped in excitement from recalling, perhaps with rough memories of her features. Not perhaps, I was sure enough. He wasn’t watching me anymore, his eyes were fixed on me. I wasn’t breathing anymore, an unsuccessful smile on my face. Ofcourse, I’ve to feel this, feel how karma soothes you with fireballs, when you’re the one holding burnt matchstick in your hands. I never told him anything but lies. Lies on which I dined every single day. That I’m stuck on my past and never feel anything but pain. Yes it did, once. But I used it to help myself from falling in love again. Yes, my heart ached everynight like a rotten tooth. But it used to. Not after seeing the curve of his lips mumbling my name. Not after my name became the reason for the curve of his lips. Not after watching his eyes dancing in his dreams while his words engraving fantasies in air. Accepting became an unobedient slave when the kaiser was fear of losing him. I never did thought of him like that really. I knew I felt him somewhere. But here I am nurturing karma for burying that ‘somewhere’, suffocating my feelings every single day. Lied to myself, lied to for whom I pray. He’s someone else’s now. Again all I’ve to do is, deteriorate. Bit by bit. Memory by memory.