breathless

i. breathe

It takes you a few seconds to breathe--

and you feel it sweep up the insides of your chest,

turning and twisting in the

hollow of it,

heavy like lead, heavy like regret

heavy with the burden you keep buried in

the crevices of your heart. It is heavy and you heave and

heave and heave. until it blurs into one and

you no longer know the difference

between the lilting e’s and a’s

it leaves you breathless and you forget. You forget you have to

breathe.

ii. breathe again

It takes you a few minutes to breathe--

and this time it drowns the beating of your heart,

it overflows.

it spills and spills and

covers the tablecloth, staining it with memories like old ink

When he asks you are you okay, it is easy to lie

I am overflowing, you say. Your heart can no longer keep all of it

inside-- it trickles in between

closed fists. Clasped hands.

You gasp under the weight of it. Engulfs your lungs with liquid fire

you think you cannot take, but your chest

it gives way and--

You dive headfirst.

iii. breathe, and breathe

It takes you a few moments to breath--

By few you mean infinitely many, time only an after-thought

In the grand scheme of it. the seconds of it only in seconds

Because by now you know how to keep the air

Within your chest within your throat. You know

The in out in deep don’t let it spill out

Motion of it.

It is easy, you think, easy when you swallow it down

Greedily. Air tastes like freedom now

you treat it like luxury. Until you remember

you are human

and you breathe, easy.