And then there is hope

The 80/20 rule:

You get 80% of what you want and there is the 20% you'll probably never get so it's about being satisfied because the 80% is really enough, nothing is 100%. Appreciate your loved one and don't get caught up over the 20% you're not getting. In reading about it it let me know that I can spend too much time concentrating on what isn't and lose site of all that is really good. It is all of my internal chatter and constant ruminating over things that it's messing me up. I'm only thankful that I don't go off on every feeling that I get because we would be in a worse mess than we are now. I stop and think about things try to write about it I really analyze the situation to make sure that there's not another root of my own problem that really is not him. One thought leads to another and before I know it I am consumed by a tornado of pessimism. So if I'm getting 80% everyday and I'm still doing my part then I really should not be complaining. There are some things though that I would like to change as far as like a spending more time together and doing things together and finding our romance again but I'm going to let that take time. Because at the end of the day what it boils down to is that I need to love myself appreciate myself feel good about myself and be able to hold my own head up about myself before expecting somebody else to. A lot of it is I'm spoiled and i'm used to the man that he was and I want that attention but that's making up for my own lack of self-love searching it out in him. I have no doubt that he loves me but I do know we are both battered and bruised I just know that there can be better days for better and forever.

I know we as women are more emotional than men, we look more into things than they do and we expect more than they do. I once had a wife say to me that her husband stated that he's been the same since day one, and that she was the one who has changed. I can see that we do change, we should change over the years.....for the better. I truly believe that if your partner is communicating with you on how they feel and you don't curve to meet their needs, then how much are you willing to really give in a relationship? I have changed to accomodate my husband and I do believe that he has changed certain things upon me saying that certain actions or non actions bother me and need to change. He doesn't comment when I vent my concerns about our marriage nor does he correct me or reassure me when I let him know of my insecurities. Initially it made me upset, but over time I realized that I have my OWN insecurities and that I can't expect him to validate me if I don't feel validated myself. So here is where I check myself without going off on every whim with him. We as a couple have been battered and bruised and this is now a time when we need to pull together to heal and move forward past our past hurts, indiscretions and infidelities.

I asked him if he would attend a weekend retreat for married couples and his reply was yes. I put the information together to see if he will follow through with it. Unsure of whether to talk about it in person as I try not to nag him about us, but wanting him to know that it is my wish for us to be on the right track and I am willing to do whatever is necessary for us to be right. His response was yes, it was a response I didn't expect to hear (his answers regarding counseling prior to this was NO), and that very response gave me the hope that I wanted. It in itself let me know that yes, he also realizes we need help, it lets me know he obviously wants us to be in a better place as well. Where I once doubted the future of my marriage, I now see there is hope..... one step at a time.

#aweekendtoremember #marriageontherocks #marriage #reconciliation #love #movingforward