Blame (or thank) Your Parents
If you are screwed up, you may be told that it is weak to blame your parents for that. If you are well-adjusted and successful, you may be told that you should thank your parents.
I think that both points of view have merit.
The truth is that at some point, you have total reign over your life. You have to take responsibility for your own choices. That said, building a person is not very different from building a house. A well constructed home begins with a good foundation. Only a parent can create that foundation for better or worse.
Google First Five California and you get this brief blurb:
First 5 California was created ... to recognize that children's health and education are a top priority, especially in the early years of development. Research shows that critical brain growth and other developmental milestones take place during the earliest years of a child's life.
Additionally:
A child's brain develops rapidly during the first five years of life, especially the first three years. It is a time of rapid cognitive, linguistic, social, emotional and motor development.
www.factsforlifeglobal.org/03/1.html
So, as you can see, many of the choices you make in life are largely based upon your earliest experiences. As you grow, your parents add walls to your house. These walls can keep you safe, or they can keep you isolated from life experiences that help you develop into a healthy and sucessful person.
According to Abraham Maslow, creator of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, positive human development depends on whether or not one's needs are met during early childhood.* He presents his theories as a pyramid. The base describes the basic need for food and shelter. The next level is about safety needs. This includes physical and emotional safety.
Going up, we find belongingness and love needs. The next level includes self-esteem needs, and a paradigm for how we hold others in esteem. Are we better, lesser, or the same as others?
At the apex of the pyramid we find self-actualization. This encompasses achieving our full potential. This is where we become responsible for what we do for a living, who we choose as a partner, associates, and so on. This is the realization of the success or failure of the previous levels. As I said, this is the result of the foundation given to us by our parents.
In conclusion, how's it going? Are you living the life that you chose? No, you are not. You are living a life that was all but predetermined by whomever raised you. You can thank your parents for your achievements, and you can rightfully blame them for your failures. Hopefully you can appreciate and make peace with both.