Her.

I thought and thought and thought but soon I got so lost in my own fog I couldnt even see. I wanted you so terribly but what I really wanted I could have never known. I still don’t know but I'm plagued by the thought that I could have had you. What could I have changed? I regret all the drugs, all of them. Dwelling in my depression and letting myself fall down so low. If I hadn’t taken the A all the way to Brooklyn to buy the weed I didn’t need. If I had thrown that stupid fucking vaporizer off the balcony. When I finally got to see you again after waiting so long, I got nervous, but that wasn’t me it was the anxiety, it was the weed. I smoked so much weed that day. If I had sought help for my anxiety sooner before I let myself get so depressed maybe you wouldn’t have ignored me. Should I have stayed further from you? Not have let every picture you sent become another slide in the corrupted reel viewer my head was then, is now. I regret not having been more eager when you said you wanted to go to Costa Rica. I wish I would have said yes, a million times yes. I regret not kissing you sooner. I regret not going to that party first semester at H that I was invited to and not having met you sooner. I regret so many things that it makes my head hurt and my lungs fall in. All I wanted was you but maybe that was my mistake in the very first place.