I should have...

If I could change one thing...

There's only one thing I can think of.

Only one decision that comes to mind.

I would stop him from leaving.

If I had stopped him...

He would still be alive,

Another man would still be alive,

And three children would have a father.

Three days before, we had had an intervention.

We thought we had gotten through to him,

We thought he was going to be alright.

But we didn't,

He wasn't.

He drove states away,

And killed someone.

On Christmas morning.

And then he killed himself.

And there's no way so settle this in my mind.

Even after years.

There's too much contradiction.

How do you miss a monster?

How can you hate a dead man?

But he is both.

I can't forget the kid he was,

When he went to school with us and made us smile.

Or the man he became,

Who made Christmas the worst day of a families life.

So if I could go back and change one thing.

I would stop him.

In any way I could.

I'd do anything

I would hold him back.

Call the cops.

He was in the airforce,

I could have called them too.

But I didn't.

I keep thinking of all the things I didn't do.

I wish I could change one thing...

Thank you for reading, I haven't really talked about this since it happened.

It's completely true if your wondering. I wonder if writing it down makes it clearer?