You

I hated him for having whatever I didn’t, for being all the things I wasn’t, and for stealing her heart. I hated how I could never get her to like me either.

I hated my parents for making me do the things they wanted me to do. I hated the things they wanted me to do, and I hated the fact that I pretended to love doing them.

I hated my friend who was funnier than me, more popular than me, and smarter than me. My classmates didn’t deserve money and happiness. I did. And I hated all of them for their successes.

And you… I hated you the most. I hated how you thought you were better than me. I tried as hard as I could to be as good as you but you didn’t let me. I wanted nothing more than your approval but you never gave it.

So, I sat around resenting everything and everyone around me, including you. I turned into the worst version of myself because of you. Whoever you were, I hated you for making me feel this way. And I hated you for not helping me feel better.

Then one day I broke. When I put myself back together, everything became so clear.

You weren’t the person I hated my whole life. I was.

You were really just me all along. You were jealous. You were entitled. You were full of idealization and pedestalization and inadequacy. You were so fake. God I hate you.

The worst part was that I ran from myself my whole life to chase after you. I ran after you because I was afraid of who I might really be. What does that make me?

Lesson learned.

I love you now. You’re my hero. You can do anything you want. You can help everyone you meet. There’s nothing in this world you can’t accomplish. Everybody’s waiting.

It’s ok to be you. In fact… it’s perfect. You’ll never be anyone else.

I love you now. Even though sometimes I still hate you.