Family Ties

So many, “words of wisdom” surround the importance of family. From greeting cards to television dramas, the world is in love with the concept of family, togetherness, and the strength that growing up together imparts. According to this cultural deluge centered on genetic associations, everyone should feel that being part of a family is the greatest thing ever. I call bull shit to almost the whole lot.

Before you blow me off as a bitter, hateful, unibomber loner type, let me say this. I have a family of my own. I have a wonderful wife, three sweet/bratty kids, and a couple of cats too many and I am content with the situation. I also have four brothers, one sister, two thankfully divorced parents that are still living, a gaggle of nieces and nephews in addition to a whole circus freak show worth of aunts, uncles, cousins, and inlaws of various types. Outside of my little nuclear family, I really don’t care much about the rest.

I haven’t seen a single sibling in almost twenty years and feel no regrets for the lack of contact. If my wife wasn’t vaguely attached to my litter mates on social media I probably wouldn’t even know what part of the world they call home. As to those whose fornication gave me life, my parents live a thousand and three thousand miles from me respectively. You could triple both distances and I wouldn’t feel left behind. As you have probably figured out, the Norman Rockwell depictions of the extended family gathered around the Thanksgiving table just doesn’t jive with me.

You may wonder if I feel less than human because of my bent towards familial indifference? No, because I feel an all consuming love towards the four people and five felines that are the nexus of my universe. Am I antisocial or an elitist? think I would better be described as selectively social. As to being an elitist, my career is in the social work field and I am regularly humbled by the strength and goodness of those who are not as fortunate as me.

I think what I am is a person who has a smaller capacity for the intamacy and patience needed for being an enthusiastic part of an extended family. The reason I call bullshit to the presumed importance of familial ties is that it does not take in to account the variability of feelings that exists in humanity. Some may live for seeing their great aunt thrice removed. Frankly, I’m good with receiving a Christmas card. I don’t feel alone in my apathy towards extended family, nor do I think that I should feel that I lack something vitally human because of it. In fact, I believe that my feelings are not rare. I think that my anti-family feelings are felt in greater numbers than advertised. So, to those who share my feelings about family I say, be proud and be content. Just please don’t invite me over for Thanksgiving.