I am dazed.

Yes, that I am. I started working here as an intern. At first, it was exhilarating. The early mornings, the meetings, the new people and new places and new things... Everything felt new. And why wouldn't it? It was a new beginning for me. A new chapter in my life. I had joined the working class. Now, I had places to go after work on Friday nights with people whose conversations included wives, husbands, babies and adulting. And it felt exhilarating, again.

But quickly you learn that life is like a water bubble. When a bubble is blown in the air, sometimes it soars higher and higher away. Sometimes it goes down, and boom! Other times, it just floats on straight ahead. But sooner or later, pop goes the bubble and the frenzy of flight disappears into thin air. And the bubble of my life at the time came to a loud, noisy, painful pop. Reality struck in. I woke everyday for months going to the company, working my behind off. Toiling. Sweating. Tiring myself to the core. But why? For some measly salary that could hardly pay for a month's bills? Why does it have to feel like such a burden?

Then it hit me. There is probably nothing wrong with my job, nor the company I work for. One day, at one of our many nights out, the team was talking and it seemed they all loved working at the company. They enjoyed their time there and were not looking for anything else, elsewhere. They enjoyed the early mornings and late nights with no benefits. What the hell? I just couldn't fathom what their deal was. I decided to assume they knew something that I didn't. Maybe I wasn't good enough to know it. May be I should try a little harder to get there. And so, harder I tried. I tried so hard, I felt my heart bleed from the inside. I tried so hard, I had dreams about my job. But then when I awoke, I still hated my job.

So, yeah. There's that. No matter how hard I tried, I still hate my job. So, I spent more and more time on Youtube. The videos were my new friends. I stopped going to lunch with colleagues so I could catch up on my videos. Then I stumbled on a motivational speaker. You know how they start talking and suddenly, it's like they can see your life and know just what to say to make things make sense? Yeah, that's exactly how it fellt. Very vivid. And very cryptic.

But I listened. And I heard what she was saying. Look inside you and find the hero within. The one who is not scared and not fazed. The one who stands tall no matter what. The you before everything went downhill. And I found her. I found the me within me. The artistic me that could not pursue a dream because it would be frowned upon. The one who made mistakes and is ready to forgive herself. I found the me that even I didn't know was in me. I found the me that loves to write and create and mull over a story because it simply doesn't sound right. And I love the me that I found. So, here is to my new bubble. May it soar higher and higher everyday.