Winter Kills, Autumn just Frightens

I was always taught by my parents to make my dreams happen. Yet I never could, I blame the undecisive seasons. They never aligned with my dreams.

But I’m done listening to the silence of the seasons changing.

So here I stand, ready to jump as the swift fall breeze gently tugs me back and forth from the ledge. Maybe it’s telling me to back down or maybe it’s giving me a nudge forward. It must not know that I made my decision already.

One foot hovers off the ledge, and I tell myself that it will feel exactly like missing a step when going downstairs. But unfortunately, I know better than that. I’ll probably feel a drop in my stomach, the same drop I get when a roller coaster plunges steeply towards the ground.

I gather my thoughts and look down to prepare myself for what’s to come. There’s no going back now. I can’t be a coward forever.

And with that last instigating thought, I jump. Diving forward, my feet are practically sewn together. In the same second as a blink, I hit the water. I didn’t prepare myself for the sting on my skin the moment my body broke the barrier between the air and the water, so it came as a shock. Not a “screaming eyes wide open shock”, but a “wow I didn’t expect that shock.”

I swim with galloping strokes towards the shoreline and realize there’s no one around. My body is covered with goosebumps and all my hairs are standing. I just continue to walk until I make it home, in my wet clothes just dripping with every step as if I’m leaving a trail of my melting cowardice.

Shivering, I step into my room and strip off everything but undergarments and my goosebumps. I pull a blanket over my shoulders and it kisses my body with warmth. I lay back on my bed with my legs straight out and my arms on my sides.

“Did I really jump?”

And I’m silent again... as I see from the corner of my eyes the window curtain dancing in a rhythmic pace.

My sight starts to darken and I begin to give in to the blissful temptation of sleep, as it creeps onto my bed and hugs me tightly, not letting go and I don’t want it to.

Slipping deeper and deeper into darkness all I can think about is how I forgot to close my window and how the autumn breeze may take this as its chance to nudge me forward.

But I know it won’t because winter kills, autumn just frightens.