What’s After Acceptance?

I guess you could say the fuse blew one say, and in the dark, I gave up trying to find a light. I feel as though I'm different. There is no light anymore, except the occasional flickers inspired by someone I loved once. Maybe I still do, so I hit against flint hoping for something more than sparks. I rarely get flames anymore. Nothing ignites me. Nothing makes the connection. The final element is missing. Maybe I am so used to depending on someone to pour gasoline and make me try again, but that time has long passed. No one has the money to waste on me. No one wants to try with me anymore. why would they? I broke the biggest promise I'd made during my first bad mental break. I remember looking in a dark mirror and promising myself I would never be in that place again. But, now when I see myself in the mirror, I see a monster, and I think I've just accepted that she's here to stay.