Emptily Whole

Somebody's heart is aching,

maybe it's me,

all these things we are celebrating,

but it's happiness I'm faking.,

by you there are too many things that are unseen,

all this pain that you've caused,

but i can't lose you, if i did i know the cost,

There's a lot of things we've been through,

but this made my brain so screwed.,

it's so cruel,

and I don't know what to do,

after all the things in my life I've been through,

all those things you knew,

but still you went and did what you did, broken promises; how could you?

You knew all my issues,

but still you decided to destroy my world, our world,

created the worst day of my life,

to learn all the lies; oh how i was thrilled,

my heart stabbed in pieces, pieces that now have no match,

Too shattered to repair,

for me you didn't care,

If you really did love me,

the things you did you wouldn't dare,

but you went and did the highest level of betrayal,

sent my mind off the rails,

And away it sailed,

Into the vast ocean with a heart that's been uncountably and unexplainably broken,

wounds that still remain open,

caused by an Angel giving her soul to the omen.,

Empty, lost, and lonely,

the consequences I pay for the love of my life destroying my entire being.,

Nothing's been the same,

I can't feel you on my heart or my brain; Too numb from the pain yet it is all I feel.,

You had been acting so different once I met her and soon enough all the pieces were put together and glued.,

All The things you did right in front of me,

all the clues were right there,

but I just didn't want to see,

refused to believe,

never thought this could be,

I always worried but I never truly believed you could do this to me.,

Gone from you,

one night I got this feeling and I knew,

out of the blue, all my insides became cold,

heart beating so fast it caused me to choke.,

That very same night I had a dream like no other;

blurry images fading in and out of one another,

images of you and her under the covers.,

The next day there was a knock at my door,

your new friends boyfriend was standing on my porch,

telling me the truth of horrors that made us both crumple to the floor.,

Couldn’t breath, couldn’t think, couldn’t see,

I felt my hear break and crash into me,

finally knowing what it was like to literally feel your heart break.,

Destroyed by you playing me like a game,

let her into our home,

“slept” in the same room,

skipped seeing me to be with her,

I stared at you as you starred at her like she was the only thing in the world,

the way you smiled at her,

all the things you did for her.,

You were my perfection but I guess she was yours,

I gave you all I could,

I gave you all I thought I knew you deserved,

I gave you every ounce of my being,

All the love in the world; love I never would have imagined I could feel.,

Fell out of love once I heard the truth,

It's been glued to my brain constantly for months; you fucked me up to the core; I'm all screwed.,

After all you knew

you still did the unthinkable,

broken promises and lies filled the room,

everywhere I go, this nightmare follows me like a ghost,

never thought I could feel this broken and unwhole.,

99% of the time I feel Like I'm off this planet, somewhere long gone, Everyday waking up hoping everything that happened was all wrong.,

and even when I feel a sliver of happiness, it fades away like the end of a song.,

This memory won't leave me alone; it's a demon; a constant Deja vu that keeps me crumbling and bleeding for all of my eternity.,

you did this to me; how could you be so cruel.,

I would never even think of doing this to you.,

how could this be true?.,

All the love I thought we grew, you chopped down in one swoop.,

All I feel is numbness and pain;

but somehow I still love you; even after you gave up and demolished all the love we had gained.. we know nothing can ever be the same; so why do either of us stay?.,

Love is strange that way,

even when it’s broken all the way.,

All my soul continues to drain as pain comes in to fill its place,

can’t continue to become more bruised and scarred from trying to put back together pieces that have no match,

I hope I’ll gain enough strength to be able to leave you at last;

I kept hoping we could heal, that I could forgive you and time would set me free,

But I’ve woken up from the illusion,

and now our story has come to its final conclusion.,

Being without you is the only way I can be whole again.,

Amen.

~Emily Marie Stevens~

Photo Credits: Me