California Nightmare

An oak tree! An oak tree !

You’ve gotta be kidding,

You been in an oak tree lately ?

Its wood. Not much room for baking in there!! and even if you find one with a hollow

By the time you've wrangled out the foxes or bears or whatever god forsaken wee beasties you find in trees on the wrong side of the pond its still Not. Big . Enough. For a bakery.

And cookies! Cookies! What's cookies when its at home? Did you mean biscuits, no you want those soggy over sweet apologies for respectable biscuits. Pah!

But ye wouldnie listen would ye!

I know. I know, the Anthropomorphic Preservation Resonating Principal results in old gods doing new tricks these days.

But really you get a Swedish Tomte and expect her to become a capitalist lackey, baking cookies! Where's the fun in that! No respect! No porridge!

I’ve never been reduced to cooking in my life before and you ask me to do it in a tree for nissas sake! On a stove, thats hot, in a wooden tree. Think about it.

Ok I found the beer, we like beer.

So what I drank it.

Now half of California’s gone

Well, what did you expect?

I’d apprentice myself to the shoe makers, we don’t make those silly fabric slippers you like us elves make proper shoes, wooden soles and leather uppers

Only we are a little short of wood round here at the moment.