Four Shades of Hatred (A First Part)

John exhaled a deep sigh as he watched Cindy – in all of her marvelous, naked glory – glide into the bathroom. God, how he despised the woman in almost all ways! And yet…and yet, here he was again. Once again away on a company junket. Once again, in her room after hours, perpetuating their unexpected, torrid affair. Even now, John, tried to think of the screaming match they had in front of their colleagues just hours ago. Pure, and very real, hatred flowing back and forth from each other. John came short to calling he a ‘stupid bitch’. Cindy flat out called him an ‘imbecile that should not be put in charge of designing a toothpick’.

He tried to conjure that hate, to give him the gumption to flee this room. He could go back across the street to the company party. He felt he could easily find a new hookup opportunity out of the throng of lovelies that were there. And yet…and yet, he knew as right as rain, as soon as that bathroom door opened, and Cindy threw him her “I’m ready for more” smirk, they would be fucking each other’s brains out, again. It was a paradox, and one he seemed to crave, or at the very least, have an utter weakness for.

It was the damned thing! To hate someone so much in public, hell, even in private; only to be so drawn to that person when desire got turned on. He thought of the first time they screwed. John was actually thinking about leaving the company that weekend, in no small part because she had become so unbearable to work with. She knocked at his hotel room door. That was the first shock. Then the other shocks fell like dominoes:

She strolled into his room like a raging tempest needing a root canal. Hot in anger and hot in desire.

She slipped out of her second-skin dress with the ease of a dancer. He didn’t even recall letting the door close behind him.

She approached him, running her hand lightly up his thigh until clamping onto his crotch like a vice. That wasn’t a shock. No, the shock was realizing he had never been so turned or and erect before she did it. Even that wasn’t as much of a shock though as not only finding his fingers instinctively buried inside her, but that she was completely soaked. His slipping sanity could barely comprehend.

How sweet she tasted when they kissed that first, passionate kiss. How much sweeter he felt fucking her was another shock. How complete he felt being with her like that though, well, that was the biggest shock of all.

John’s focus returned to the present to the click of the bathroom door opening and as right as rain, Cindy flowed out of it, with that cock-sure smirk, that beautiful fucking smirk. And as right as rain, John was rock hard ready for round three. Cindy laughed and turned, leaning against the wall, her ass aimed at him in an invitation she knew he wouldn’t resist. John didn’t disappoint her. He didn’t recall leaving the bed, but he remembered every sweet nuance of entering her. He savored every sweet moan begging for more she gave him, as he pounded her to oblivion. God he hated her, and yet, life was never as sweet as it was when they were in the throes of their affair. He probably hated her most of all for that. Well that and that deep down, he knew she was the one in control of it all.

~~~

Cindy turned the key quietly and slipped into her apartment, hoping that it was late enough that Brian was already asleep. She wasn’t sure if she could handle him tonight. He would be as he always was after a week apart. Clingy and sweet, and patient, and kind. It was almost nauseating. She hated that nauseating feeling. Cindy was also dreading that he was showing hints that he was preparing to propose to her, and that…well that was going to fuck up everything. She wished that she broke up with him before she went on her company trip.

She closed the door and leaned against it, closing her eyes and thinking of the last fuck she had with John. She smiled and shivered at the illicit thought. Smiled because she could play him so well. Shivered because once she did, he could press all of the right buttons, even a few she never knew she had before she started fucking him. She laughed knowing how much John hated her – and how most of that feeling was mutual – yet how helpless he was to her ‘charms’ when they were alone. She loved having that sort of power over someone. She loved being desired that deeply, with that rawness, by someone.

“Hey hun, how was the conference?”

Cindy winced. When had Brian’s voice become like nails on the chalkboard. God how she despised him. He was…too nice. That was her problem with him she figured, and she almost hated herself for feeling that way. There was not a day, in recent memory, that went by that she did not regretted getting this involved with him. They were totally incompatible in every way. There was only that brief moment of weakness over a year ago. A moment of feeling sorry for herself after a bad breakup and her Bestie knowing ‘the perfect guy’ to start over with. Brian was the perfect guy. Nice, cute, successful. For her though, he was too nice. Too cute, with not enough rough handsomeness. His success did help to supplement her success though. But, the problem with his success was he was too successful, in a way that he could give her as much attention as she could ever need or want. He might have been more bearable if he had to work late at the office more often.

When he entered the room, she tried to imagine him fucking her like John did. She almost laughed at the thought, Brian was incapable of such depravities. Brian never fucked, he always made love. Cindy knew dozens of women that would kill for a guy like him. Perhaps that was one of the reasons she strung this relationship along. That he seemed to be a guy so many others would want. She did enjoy possessing things that others coveted, regardless what the thing was.

“The conference was ok, nothing special…” Although when she thought of what she did with John, she smirked to herself and admitted that was something special.

He nodded to her empty reply. He was happy she was home, like in a puppy sort of way. If he had a tail, it would have been wagging frantically. It revolted her. He revolted her. He didn’t revolt her when they first met, but he sure as hell did now. She needed to come up with an escape plan soon. She wished she could have just admitted to the sex she was having with a few men behind his back. She wondered if she did in part because she wanted this relationship to self-destruct. He would be incredibly hurt, yet in his perpetual goodness, would find a way to work it out, thinking he played some part in driving her away or some such nonsense.

“…actually it was pretty draining. I’m really tired and I just want to take a quick shower and slip into bed.”

Cindy, watched him wilt, just like an eager puppy whose owner was not in the mood for a game of fetch. God, he was so pathetic, she thought to herself.

“But…” she whispered, and tossed him a particular smirk. She strolled over to him languidly, pulled his pants down before he could even take a breath, and went down on him.

He was even too nice in this, she thought to herself, but at least it would shut him up and she would be able to have the peace from him she desperately wanted in a few minutes. Cindy closed her eyes and imagined she was sucking John off instead. There was never anything nice about that, yet it was one of the sweetest things to do. Cindy was soaked from the fantasizing by the time she finished Brian off. She needed to get in the shower alone so she could finish the fantasy alone. She almost wished there was somehow a way her and John could be more than just lovers. She had no respect for John outside of the bedroom though.

Cindy was relieved Brian didn’t ask if he could join her as she heading to their shower. She was relieved he was so easy to placate. She didn’t waste time wondering how Brian could be fixed. He was incapable of becoming what she needed. Their relationship was already DOA, he was just too pathetic to realize it…and she was still a bit too comfortable in the current situation to completely move on. It almost broke her heart he might not figure it out until he got on his knee, with ring in hand. Almost. She definitely needed to try to end it before then.

Cindy turned on the shower and slipped out of her dress. She winced initially at the heat of the spray when she stepped in, but then let the scalding water melt her. Her hand slipped between her legs and there her fingers played, and she imagined a lover that she had yet to meet. Imagined him and sighed, a sound no man had yet to hear slip from her lips. Imagined a man she wasn’t sure even existed. Someone she could come home to that she could love, respect, and share her raw passions with.

~~~

Brian took a sip of pale ale and looked at the ring in the box, it was perfect. Just a few last details to make perfect and the proposal would be set in motion. He looked up at the door again to see if his friends had showed up yet. He hated waiting. There was probably nothing he hated more than waiting for something. Waiting for friends that were forever running later or waiting for the perfect moment to propose to Cindy. Waiting was almost a form of pain to Brian. Brian hated pain…and waiting.

When he saw Dave and Dani walk in, he snapped the ring box shut, shoved it in his coat and waved them over. They were his best and oldest friends. Both of them were prone to poor time management skills, but he loved them to death regardless. They were the brother and sister he never had growing up. He couldn’t wait to get their reactions when he told them that he was going to take the plunge. Getting their reactions to anything always seemed to go better when he had Dave and Dani together at the same time. Their reactions tended to be more ‘honest’, for lack of a better word, when they were together; something about them being twins he thought. It was almost uncanny how different they were toward Brian when Dave and Dani were together versus when he was alone with just one of them.

“Hey Bri!” Dani scooched onto the booth seat next to him, and gave him a peck on the cheek. Dave rolled his eyes and sat on the bench across from them.

“Hey Danielle, thanks for joining us!”

Dave chuckled, “And why did you need my baby sister to tag along? It is usually not a good thing when you need to talk to us at the same time. You are usually in some emotional crisis or some such.”

Brian grinned, “Big news, but nothing as grim as an emotional crisis. I am going to ask Cindy to marry me.”

Dave’s jovial mood darkened a bit, “Seriously?”

Brian frowned slightly at that response and nodded, placing the ringbox on the table. He knew Dave wasn’t the biggest fan of Cindy, but still he was hoping for a better response. Again though, he did want the raw honesty.

“Bri, I have to say, are you sure?” Dave asked sincerely, “I know you are crazy about her, but she has never seemed to be…the right fit for you.” Dave then shot a Dani a dark look, silently asking her why she ever even thought up the idea of setting Cindy up with Brian.

Dani reading the look replied, “Hey! Like I’ve told you hundreds of times before, they were both single. They were both looking. Heaven knows Cindy needed a great guy compared to all of the trainwrecks she seems to get tangled up with. And Bri needed…”

Dave shook his head, “Don’t get preachy with me sis!”

Brian intervened, “What do you mean a hundred times, Dani?”

Dave answered instead, “What she means, is that while I think Cindy is ok as a person on her own, I don’t think she is a good match for you, mate. Never have. She is a man eater and frankly, anytime we are all together, I think she treats you…kinda crappy, if I am to be honest. You are just too damned nice too notice.”

“She is not that bad Dave,” Dani defended, albeit a bit-half-heartedly, “And Bri really has taken off her edge. She has needed someone wonderful like Bri.”

Brian watched the twins both battle on his behalf. Each from a different vantage point. This was exactly what he was hoping for, even though he was surprised by Dave’s now open disdain for Cindy, or at least the idea of her as Brian’s future better half. It did give him a bit of pause. Yet, Dani’s support lifted his heart quite a bit. She perhaps knew him better than anyone and if both of the twins were against it, he might have paused and rethought through everything.

The words stopped, but Dave and Dani were having a silent conversation. All of this time, and Brian still couldn’t decipher them when they were communicating to each other without speaking. Dave almost was pleading with Dani with his look. Dani was almost rebuked Dave with hers. Dave’s shoulders finally slumped, as if he just lost a brutal battle of wills.

“Well, mate”, Dave finally stated, breaking the silence, “if you are really sure, let me be the first to congratulate you. Better show us how crazy you went with the ring, before Dani burns the box away with her laser vision.”

~~~

Dani sat at the table, fidgeting. She hated when she was like this. She was a mix of nerves, replaying the conversation a day before with Brian and her brother, weighing her brother’s words over and over. They bothered her. They bothered her more than she would have ever admitted in front of Brian or David.

She was happy for Brian. Even though a small part of her was still wishing it was her that he was going to propose to. She loved him from the first time she ever saw him, yet all Brian ever saw in her was the sister he never had. She hated both things. Hated that she loved Brian so. And hated that he never saw her beyond the ‘sister he never had’. She didn’t know what she hated more.

So, Dani played the sisterly part, since that was the most love she could get with him. About a year ago, she finally decided to give up on her childish dream that Brian would suddenly become head over heels in love with her (in not a sisterly sort of way); instead set him up with one of her best friends. Brian and Cindy initially hit it off, a surprise to everyone. Even perhaps a surprise to her. Yes, they had their problems, as all couples have, but Brian did seem to bring out the brighter side of Cindy and Cindy definitely seemed to bring out the admiration out of Brian that Dani always hoped to get out of him for herself. Dani even hated Cindy a bit for that. Getting from Brian what she always wished to get from him herself.

But David’s words to her when they left the bar were what really haunted her now, “I am telling you this right now sis, I don’t know why you ever set them up, but Cindy will break his heart, mark my words. I was almost tempted to just tell him you’ve been in love with him forever, just to stop his madness in this. At the very least, he would at least finally know how you feel.”

Dani dreaded the thought, and yet part of her desperately wish he did. Dani made David vow ages ago to never tell Brian how she felt. David thought it was a stupid thing to have to vow to, but was always honorable about his vows to her. He also thought it was stupid that she didn’t just ask Brian out herself, it is not like she never asked out a guy before. But, David never would understand. It had to be the other way with Brian. He was her one fairytale prince in a world full of frogs and ogres. The one person she loved in that silly, stupid way.

She really thought she had finally put her feelings for Brian to bed once he saw him and Cindy really hit it off. Until yesterday, until her stupid brother had to stir a pot that didn’t need stirring.

Was she missing something David easily saw? Was she hoping beyond hope that Cindy and Brian would hit it off so she could move on? Dani had blindspots for both Brian and Cindy. She knew what Cindy could be like. She just never seemed like that with Brian, and Cindy thanked Dani for setting them up, every time they got together. Her blindspots for Brian. David assured her that he was not as perfect as she loved to dream, but he was pretty damn close.

“Excuse me, are you Danielle?”

Dani stopped herself fidgeting with the straw in her umpteenth gin and tonic and looked up at the man in the power suit standing at her table. She flashed the man a warm smile and nodded. She has had worse blind dates, if on appearance alone. She hoped he might be at least fun distraction from her current woes. He looked like he was chiseled out of granite and probably knew his way around a woman in a way that wasn’t a ‘near-saint looking upon his near-sister’ sort of way.

“Yes, are you John?” He nodded and smiled. It was a smile that said he liked what was on the menu. He helped himself and sat down at the table. Dani smiled back. They started the typical, boring small talk that begins almost all blind dates. She chuckled when he mentioned where he worked though.

“You work at Xavier Technologies?”

“Yeap. Why do you ask? Most people could care less.”

“One of my best friends works there.”

“Oh? Maybe I know her.”

“Cindy Harper?”

John’s perfect chiseled face frowned. “SHE is one of your best friends?”

Dany saw the dislike this man had for Cindy and right at this moment, he could not be more perfect to quiet her nerves and feelings with the whole Brian-Cindy thing.

“I wouldn’t say best friends. I’ve probably been a better friend to her than the other way around, if I were to be honest.”

“Well, that would not be a surprise, she seems…the sort.”

Dani laughed. She knew Cindy probably went to war with this guy. He was turning out to be perhaps the perfect date. Cindy would hate to hear that Dani hooked up with one of her work nemeses. Right now, in that moment, Dani would have loved nothing more. Dani let herself have a momentary fantasy of being at Brian and Cindy’s wedding and having John there as her plus one.

Dani smiled and whispered, “I hope you don’t take this to be too forward, but would you mind if we speed this along and go somewhere a bit more private.”

John smiled his perfect teeth smile, “I would like nothing more.”

Dani left holding John’s hand, and hoping he was going to be as good a distraction as she was thinking he might be, even if he was probably not going to be the great love of her life.