i miss you
Did you remember my birthday?
It was a few months after you left
You wouldn’t want to come back now
It’d be like the dead rising
Wait, nevermind that
I’ve heard miracles call the people’s attention
Whether the story’s true
Or false
It took weeks for them to notice you were gone
For good
Mrs. A still sets aside homework
And notes packets
With your name on it
As if you are just on vacation.
So why would they care if you came back
I would, and so would your best friend
Is it more than that why you’ve stayed away
Is it
Reasons I should’ve picked up on?
Subtle hints and questions I’ve never asked?
I’m too young to have things haunt me
Maybe I should try texting you
I’m too afraid of what you’d say
You didn’t even tell us you were leaving
She did
Wasn’t even supposed to, were you
Waiting to see how long
Until someone noticed?
I could only really talk to you
Now I never really talk to anyone
It’s all superficial
I’m really not “okay”
My weekend wasn’t “good”
No one wants to hear the truth
I can’t read those books anymore
Remember the ones we laughed over?
The books we screamed about during plot twists?
You began to disappear
When I read ahead of you and
I no longer noticed you felt
Different
Than before, it sounds crazy, they’re
Just books- my favorite, actually
They sit on my shelf now
No longer readable but decoration
The next one comes out in November
I don’t really care anymore
Let the heroine die, let their universe collapse
It will all mend in the end
By the writer’s pen,
I’m no longer part of their story
And neither are you
Our friends are falling apart
The Table, remember?
Always sitting in the same spot
Next to the teacher’s table
The kind and responsible ones
That’s old news
You helped me make an island
A place of neutrality
Where you could be safe
And accepted
But now the rifts and tension
The gaps in friendships
That seemed unbreakable
When we were innocent sixth graders
Singing songs about
Rainbows, and ranch, and cordless mics
Every Tuesday.
We sang them together
And that’s the key phrase here
Because the last time I’ve sung them
Was with you
And only you
Everyone else was on their phone
Eating with their head down
Or laughing at the two girls who wanted
Things to go back to the way they used to be
We were shut down
At least I was, but you continued
To be happy and peaceful no matter what while
I let their negativity get to me
You sang about rainbows while
I sang about folding into a paper airplane
And flying off into the sunset
Where they crashed
And died
Was that why you left?
Or at least part of it?
I’ve changed now
I’m getting better
So where are you?
She misses you, you know
Your best friend is struggling
Can’t find her place
I think I’m the only person
Who notices that she’s changing
How she acts and reacts
Based on feedback from her actions
We’re all getting mad
She hates too much now
Hates our friends
My best friend lives far away and
It’s not the same
You need two, one for school
And then your old friend who knows
The depths of your heart.
She is trying for the wrong
New friend, and I can’t help her
See that
I’m suffering too
We leave for the 8th grade trip in a week
Last year, during the Chicago visit, we
Stuck together on the bus ride,
But this year you won’t be here
There are assigned buses anyways
We could’ve been roomates
After all, it was the two of us left over
Until I was taken by a group
That I don’t want to be in
Was that why you left?
Because I didn’t speak up?
Somehow you stopped me from becoming shy
Now that you’re gone
So many thoughts crowd my head
But I can’t seem to vocalize them
Talk about what I’m thinking
No one listens anyways
That’s why I’m writing
Not talking
I’m fading and you aren’t here to bring me back
Everyone else is fading too
Or burning the wrong color altogether
Are you fading, too?
Do you have someone new
To keep you there forever?
Even if you came back
It would all be different
I’m thirteen now,
Remember?
I miss you
please don't judge this. it makes me cry every time i read it. it is completely and utterly genuine.