A Realistic 12 Days of Christmas
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Something made by child labor in a third world country
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Two gifts labeled, “As seen on TV.”
And something made by child labor in a third word country.
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Three credit card bills I’ll be paying
Two gifts labeled, “As seen on TV.”
And something made by child labor in a third word country.
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Four in-laws I hope not staying.
Three credit card bills I’ll be paying
Two gifts labeled, “As seen on TV.”
And something made by child labor in a third word country.
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
-Pause here to wonder what idiot would by gifts for each of the 12 days of Christmas-
Five Funion rings
-Pause whoever it was they were probably murdered by the songs first singers-
Four in-laws I hope not staying.
Three credit card bills I’ll be paying
Two gifts labeled, “As seen on TV.”
And something made by child labor in a third word country.
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Six worthless junk found at Walmart kind of things
-Pause here to question whose F*&%ing idea it was to write this song-
Five Funion rings
-Pause after deciding the writer of this song was a sadistic piece of s*%$
Four in-laws I hope not staying.
Three credit card bills I’ll be paying
Two gifts labeled, “As seen on TV.”
And something made by child labor in a third word country.
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Seven pairs of inappropriately styled underwear.
Six worthless junk found at Walmart kind of things
-Pause here to breathe in-
Five Funion rings
-Pause you’ve successfully resupplied your brain with oxygen-
Four in-laws I hope not staying.
Three credit card bills I’ll be paying
Two gifts labeled, “As seen on TV.”
And something made by child labor in a third word country.
On the eight day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
After eight days I’m too sick of this holiday by now to really care.
Seven pairs of inappropriately styled underwear.
Six reasons for me to hate holiday related gatherings
-Pause here to contemplate painless method to end the suffering caused by this song-
Five Funion rings
-Pause here to realize this song is just one of many causes of suffering in your life-
Four in-laws I hope not staying.
Three credit card bills I’ll be paying
Two gifts labeled, “As seen on TV.”
And something made by child labor in a third word country.
On the nineth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Nine drunken Christmas party guests a’puking
After eight days I’m too sick of this holiday by now to really care.
Seven pairs of inappropriately styled underwear.
Six reasons for me to hate holiday related gatherings
-Pause here to realize the people on Prose probably won’t read this far-
Five Funion rings
-Pause here. F*&% it. Mamma didn’t raise a quiter-
Four in-laws I hope not staying.
Three credit card bills I’ll be paying
Two gifts labeled, “As seen on TV.”
And something made by child labor in a third word country.
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Ten descriptions of new religions not involving Christmas I’ll be considering
Nine drunken Christmas party guests a’puking
After eight days I’m too sick of this holiday by now to really care.
Seven pairs of inappropriately styled underwear.
Six reasons for me to hate holiday related gatherings
-Pause here to realize this song parody is stupid-
Five Funion rings
-Pause here. Of course it’s stupid. Look whose writing it.-
Four in-laws I hope not staying.
Three credit card bills I’ll be paying
Two gifts labeled, “As seen on TV.”
And something made by child labor in a third word country.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Eleven gift cards soon to be lost
Ten descriptions of new religions not involving Christmas I’ll be considering
Nine drunken Christmas party guests a’puking
After eight days I’m too sick of this holiday by now to really care.
Seven pairs of inappropriately styled underwear.
Six reasons for me to hate holiday related gatherings
-Pause here to realize that Pagans original idea of the season is better-
Five Funion rings
-Pause here. Yep Pagans. Dance naked around a tree, sacrifice a goat. Good times except for the goat-
Four in-laws I hope not staying.
Three credit card bills I’ll be paying
Two gifts labeled, “As seen on TV.”
And something made by child labor in a third word country.
On the twelth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
Twelve avoided conversations about the holiday shopping cost
Eleven gift cards soon to be lost
Ten descriptions of new religions not involving Christmas I’ll be considering
Nine drunken Christmas party guests a’puking
After eight days I’m too sick of this holiday by now to really care.
Seven pairs of inappropriately styled underwear.
Six reasons for me to hate holiday related gatherings
-Pause here to say Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukka, Blessed Kwanza, etc-
Five Funion rings
-Pause here. And a happy New Year!
Four in-laws I hope not staying.
Three credit card bills I’ll be paying
Two gifts labeled, “As seen on TV.”
And something made by child labor in a third word country.