Did You Know?

It’s late, but these tears won’t stop. I’ve finally gained an understanding of what regret truly feels like. I want to blame you even though the truth is reflected in this mirror.

Did you know that I’ve slept with your pillow since you left? It smells like you and if I close my eyes and focus, my mind will play out memories of laughter with you next to me. I can’t wash these sheets, I still fill my lungs with the scent of you while my dreams place you back in my arms.

Did you know that I kept your shampoo? Steam awakens memories of you, carried to me through the scent of jasmine and vanilla. My body trembles as thoughts of wet kisses and soap slicked skin wash over me. The tile cools my warm fingertips as I steady myself through the rush of it all.

Did you know I still text you every morning on my way to work? Old habits are hard to break, and my heart is stuck on repeat. I couldn’t tell you what my fingers are reaching for, though I long to feel your skin brush against mine. Sometimes I sit in my car, cigarette burning as thoughts of you tug at my emotions.

Did you know I kissed someone last night? Her kiss was sweet and soft, like yours. She made me smile. I have to admit that I was looking for you in her eyes. I’m always looking for you. My eyes desperate for brightness in a world filled with dichotomy. I miss the color you brought into my life.

If you only knew.