Cat and Mouse

I wasn’t worth it

Worth waiting for

Worth dealing with

Worth the effort

Worth the work

It felt like you simply played with my heart

You were the cat and I was the mouse

But once I ran away

You didn’t bother chasing after me

Because I wasn’t worth your time or energy

You quickly moved on

To what next grabbed your attention

I don’t know what to think anymore

I don’t know what to trust

You make these assurances

And speak these promises

But how am I to believe you

When all I can see is a cat

Playing games with a mouse

And getting bored

Just when it all started

Just as connections were being made

Just as attachments were being formed

Or am I all backwards with everything

Was I the issue

Was I really the cat

And you the mouse

Was I chasing you

Not realizing

Not caring

That you were running away

Was I only seeing what I wanted

What I hoped to be true

Instead of seeing reality

I never thought

I never imagined

That I would be here

Feeling such conflicting emotions

Wanting so badly to be mad

To hate you

To blame you

But knowing deep down that I never could

Because there is too much love

Too much care

Too many feelings

For me to ever see you as the bad guy

Which leaves me

The only other option for fault

The only one left to take the guilt

And I will

It is almost an automatic response for me now

So many have played these games with me

With my heart

With my head

With everything and anything I offer up

I thought you were different

I hoped you were different

But I guess I was wrong

Once again

I guess I just expected too much

From you

From everyone around me

From the world

I want people to prove

That they are angels

That they are saviors

That they are something they are not

And could never be

And I know they can’t be those things

But I wish for it all the same

Too many times have these games been played

Too many times have I been taken advantage of

Too many times have I been lied to

Too many times have I been not told the full truth

Too many times

Too many damn times

I don’t want these games anymore

I don’t want any of this anymore

The only solution

Is to not play

So I quit

If there is no mouse alive to play with

The cat can entertain itself elsewhere

And if there is no cat alive needing amusement

The mouse can freely live

Either way

Whether I am the mouse

Or the cat

The only answer

The only way to fix this

Is ceasing to exist