Cake and Impaled Elfs -Tootsie’s Tales #4

My hands were fidgeting. My lips were trembling. My saliva was slowly pooling in my mouth. My head was faint. My stomach was.....well impatient.

And all because of the mountains of food splayed out in front of me.

Unfortunately, for us to touch the food served at the dinner, King Nicholas first had to address our small gathering ,consisting of the slightly over-cheerful Queen Carol, eager big-eyelashed Candy, nervous infatuated Truffle and us two dangerously hungry brothers- Bootleg and me.

As i tried to swallow my saliva in vain attempts to ward off my hunger so that Nicholas could finish his speech, my eyes betrayed me. I wanted to look away from the food but....but it was calling me, it was yearing for the warmth of my mouth.

The christmas berries were begging for me, the plum cake was whispering sweet pleas, the baguettes were eyeing my hungrily(as i was them), tangy tarts, dripping chocolate fountains, shining strawberries, mouthwatering cobblers, grrrrrr, blueberry sau-.

Wait ..what was that? The sound came again, as loud as the the freaking elfhorn. Nicholas stopped. All eyes turned towards me. My eyes turned towards the culprit.

My stupid, insatiable ,insolent, elf-butt of a stomach!

“And that’s would be my cue to shut up.”, King Nicholas joked and fell silent, as the whole room erupted with laughter.

“No ,no sir. I apologize. It’s just that i haven’t had anything to eat in a long time and I-”,I started.

“Son. Son! Relax. Everybody dig in. Let the feast begin!”.

I didn’t need to told twice. There was a pause of not even a millisecond ,in which I hungrily started reaching everything my little elf-hands could reach.

Damn etiquette. Damn cutlery. Damn manners. Right now, i wasn’t just an elf, i was a hungry elf. And nothing beats a hungry elf.

Piece after piece, morsel after morsel, i stuffed myself till i was the size and shape of a bloated christmas berry.

However, throughout my hunger rampage, i had failed to notice the dinner conversation going on.So when i was asked a question by King Plum, my only response was an ignorant burp.

“Oh i apologize you majesty, just this food was.....the chef deserves Santa’s embrace.” ,I said.

“Yes ,yes. Now. do tell me son, have you not heard of the recent trouble at the border regarding....you know...he who must not be named?“King Nick leaned in and asked, the caution and worry evident in his tone.

I was perplexed.

“No sir. I know nothing of the sort. And who is this’he who must not be named’? Sounds like kind of a bummer for anyone whose parents named him this.” I scoffed.

King Nick, Queen Carol, Candy, Truffle and Bootleg all gasped and began chittering at once.

“Horns that could impale an elf” Candy began.

“Nails tht could tear you in half”Truffle finished.

″ Teeth as sharp as spears” Bootleg chimed in.

“Cover them, or his howl will pierce your ears” Queen Carol whispered.

Oh! Now i remember something. Old elflore. Something about a beast with blood red skin, who punishes bad children, half- goat half man, something like...

“KRAMPUS!!!!“I yelled as it suddenly clicked.

As if hearing my words had set forth a plague, the room turned deadly silent.

All eyes were on me, their laser gazes already burning the calories i had just ate.

Annnnnddddd if it couldn’t get worse, just then, Queen Carol let out a strained whimper and fainted.

King Nicholas rushed to her side with Candy and Truffle right behind.

Bootleg came up behind me and smacked me hard on the head.

“Exactly dummy.”,he began,“He who must NOT be named.”

08/12/18