I Try...

Why does the world hate me?

Why can’t once be enough?

Why do you have to make me relive it over and over again?

When will it be enough….

I try,

I try…

I try to do good enough to deserve happiness,

I try to be able to handle my bad days,

I try not to let my mask slip,

I try not to push others away,

I try to handle the pain I receive,

I try to make the most of each day.

Yet,

It never seems like enough..

I get pushed around,

Used,

Hurt on the daily.

I still try though.

So why,

Just why?

Why do you make me relive my pain multiple times?

Why do you try to bury me alive with pain?

Why can’t you give me joy?

Why can’t I be happy?

Why can’t I be enough?

Why do I always feel alone?

Why do I never feel at home?

Why can’t I be liked by someone honest?

Why when I like someone does it always fail?

Why can’t you just give me a win…

For once in my life I want to be happy!!!!!!

I want to be happy….

Why can’t I just be happy....

I want to feel like I am not out of place,

I want to feel like I am okay how I am,

I want to be loved,

And not a fake love,

But an honest true love that does leave me questioning when they will leave.

I want to feel like I do things okay,

That I won’t mess up at every turn.

I want to know that thing will be alright,

I want to know…

I want to know I can be happy without feeling like things are going to fall apart…

I want the good days to balance out the bad,

And I don’t want to drown in my sadness all alone..

So please…

I beg you,

Let me be happy…

I am tired of reliving my pain,

My suffering,

I am tired of feeling like it’s all for nothing,

But I can’t stop fighting.

Please,

Just give me something to balance out the terrible.

I have my best friend who I don’t think I could live without,

But she has her joy,

She has her happiness to balance out the bad,

She will be fine.

When will I be alright?

When will it be alright….