The Past

Momentary bliss.

This is what I sold my soul for. They say that those who run are afraid. But I feel there's more to the story. At least there is to mine. Most people don't care to know that part though. It was never all that easy for me. There's been so much time where I was lost in the thought of why my blessings, and the good things I had couldn't save me. I know that for most people, they feel when they're young that the whole world is ahead of them. They need not worry about the end when they perceive it to be so far away. I've never really felt that way. I think that the way I have lived my life has shifted that perception for me. Taking all those precious years and running them recklessly into the ground. The danger was always an equation capable of ending in death, or at the very least in indefinite suffering. There was never a forever ahead of me that I strived to succeed in. Not in the sense that most people can live by. I lived off my momentary bliss. I lived off the rush that life gave me so immensely. I know that it was careless, and reckless, and selfish. I know that I have given up many things of which I should have had that I will never have. I know that my chances were slim when divided by the past, and the future. I am weary in this part of my life, and that's a shame. I am weary that it's getting to be too late. That I may be running out of time if I remain incapable of change. I dont know how to handle it either. I dont know if I could handle missing out on growing up, and growing old. I don't know if I could handle not living up to my potential, or better yet even coming close enough to it to know it was ever even real.

Yes. Momentary bliss has me by the heart. And the moments in between will be the death of me.

Life has to be more than this.