Autumn

The too hot pizza boxes from Gianni’s burned my fingers as I quickly approached Autumn’s apartment building in SoHo. You would think that the burning sensation would almost be pleasant on the cold October night, but you would be wrong. It hurt, and I was constantly shifting my fingers to give them some relief.

The lights beneath each building showed me that the extensive grid of stilts was nearly deserted. Just me and a removal crew out later than normal. The lack of other people walking around wasn’t unexpected, but in a neighborhood that still housed thousands it was unnerving. Only the bags of trash, illegally tossed out of people’s windows, and the occasional tied off rusty bicycle too large to carry upstairs marred the concrete jungle of stilts around me.

As I got to the stairs that led up the exterior of Autumn’s building to the main entrance, the removal crew was wrapping the remains in a large plastic bag. I mentally gave it even odds as to whether they would just leave the body there with the trash bags, or if they would actually take it with them when they left.

I put them out of my mind as I climbed the stairs, and after pounding up the metal grated steps for three stories I rang the buzzer for her apartment building’s front door.

“Yeah,” came a male voice through the speaker. The sounds of several people talking in the background blurred the edges of his voice, but I recognized it.

“Hey Reefer, it’s Grant. Let me in.”

“Sure,”

A moment later a loud click clack came from the door and I carefully balanced the pizzas and opened the door with a hiss of releasing pressure. The elevator wasn’t far inside the main entrance. I hit the call button and waited for a few moments, still gingerly handling the pizza boxes, until it arrived. I got inside and clumsily kicked at the buttons because of my full hands and hit the four. Since Autumn’s place was on third, I sighed and made another kick hitting the right button this time.

I rode in silence, looking down through the metal grated floor as the elevator shaft stretched out further beneath me until the doors made a sharp ding and slid open.

My feet echoed off the smooth, not quite level, white tiled floor as I walked to Autumn’s apartment door. I gave the door a sharp double tap with the toe of my shoe, and a light hiss preceded its opening. Reefer swung the door open for me, and I strode past his skinny frame with confidence, holding the boxes above my head to the resounding cheers of my friends. I had finally arrived with the evening’s meal.

I was the last to arrive, and the small apartment was comfortably crowded. Reefer closed the door behind me with a resealing hiss and Jenn, playing group Mom as usual, went into the kitchen to grab plates out of the cabinet and a beer for me from the fridge.

An unfamiliar voice drew my attention over to the TV. “…tenth anniversary of the Collision today, thank you for watching. We will be right back with more commentary after these messages from our spons…” The newscaster’s voice was cut off as Dre hit mute on the TV and everyone started piling into the kitchen. I handed the boxes to Dre as he passed by and asked, “Where’s Autumn?”

“Her room. She should be...”

“’Ey Dre,” The blunted corners of Reefer’s thick Bronx accent interrupted the conversation, “you gonna stand around ‘oldin’ those, or we gonna eat ’em?”

“Fuck off Reef,” Dre responded in his genial mid-western tone, “I’m coming. Not all of us have your level of munchies.”

Reefer lowered his voice to a harsh whisper that everyone could hear. “Oh it’s not me man. I’m jus’ worryin’ about you. Rosa’s lookin’ ‘ungry enough to eat your dick off the next time she blows you. Oi, no pinchin’!” The last came out in a good humored little squeak.

A small caramel colored hand lowered from Reefer’s ear, it was all I could see of Rosa’s diminutive frame, and her smooth south-of-the-border accent shot back. “Poor gringo doesn’t realize.” Her voice dropping to smolder, she added, “Nobody could be hungry enough to finish that meal.” Everyone but Acid Mike laughed, with Reefer snorting his weird horse laugh the loudest.

It wasn’t unusual for Acid Mike to not join in the laughter. Rosa’s twin brother Miguel had dropped too much a couple years ago, so he doesn’t talk or do much anymore. We still love him though, and when Reefer started calling him Acid Mike, it stuck. We’re pretty sure Miguel likes the new name.

I felt a cold beer pressed into my hand and Jenn smiled, her cheeks adorably dimpled, up at me. She wiped at her brilliant blue eyes before giving me a quick hug. “Thanks for picking those up. I wish Gianni’s would still deliver this late.”

“It’s alright, Gianni is too smart to let his kids out on deliveries this close to the surge. And I’m just dumb enough to do it.” I replied with a quick smile and a quicker squeeze.

She moved off and put her arms around Reefer’s waist from behind. Hugging him tightly and kissing the back of his neck. Everyone agreed, especially Reefer, that Jenn was too good for him. Hell, she was too good for all of us.

“Hey Stranger, you just get here?”

I turned to find Autumn standing behind me. Her heavily mascaraed blue eyes were sparkling, and her hair, dyed to match her eyes, was pulled back into a long, intricate, weave that reminded me of crashing waves. I just stood there, watching as she took the beer from my hand and held it up to her lips, thick with black lipstick, and took a long slow pull from the bottle. The stud in her tongue clicked against the tip of the bottle as she, very deliberately, licked the remaining moisture off her upper lip. As she held the cold bottle in her hand, I could see the tips of her breasts begin to strain against the fabric of her old black Ramones t-shirt. She obviously wasn’t wearing a bra, and my pants suddenly felt too small.

“Hey Autumn,” I managed to croak after clearing my throat. “Yeah, uh, Gianni’s is on the counter.” I gasped a little laugh, “we better hurry if we want some, Reefer smells like he’ll eat it all if we don’t.”

“Yeah,” she giggled, keeping a firm hold on my beer and looking down at the curves of breasts, stomach, hips, and thighs that her clothing did little to hide, “I wish I could eat the way he does and stay skinny. It’s not fair at all.”

From the direction of the kitchen Reefer piped in, “I’d teach you ‘ow to get down to my weight, Tum, but then we couldn’t catch Grant starin’ at your tits…like now. Ow, ‘ey no smackin’!’”

I turned to see Reefer rubbing the back of his head as Rosa, smirking, passed behind him on her way back to the couch with a couple of slices on her plate. We all laughed, Reefer loudest of all, and Autumn and I joined our friends to see what was left to eat. Then we all gathered around the TV, crammed into what seating Autumn had or sprawled out on the floor.

Empty plastic plates and even more empty beer bottles covered most of the available surfaces. Reefer was on Jenn’s lap in an attempt at mocking Rosa and Dre. Autumn had given me her space on the La-Z-Boy. She’d said it was a thank you for saving dinner by getting her favorite pizza. She sat comfortably next to me on the floor, the way only girls seem able to do, and leaned over to rest her head in my lap.

“Thank you for tuning in as our coverage of the tenth anniversary of the Collision continues. Just ten years ago to the day a massive asteroid, later designated as Hades, crashed into the moon. During the subsequent year, astronomers theorize, the gravitational stresses of the Earth and Sun were too great for the weakened structure of the Moon to withstand. The resulting pieces, later named Luna, Ignio, and Yuèliàng, as well as the now orbiting remains of Hades and the cloud of smaller debris colloquially called moon-murk, changed life on Earth as we knew it. The subsequent record breaking earthquakes tore cities apart. Tsunamis smashed nearly every coastline for hundreds of miles, and once dormant volcanos covered entire areas in ashen darkness and fire. The resulting death toll was staggering. Now, after ten years of hardship, the massive undertaking of Reconstruction across the globe is well underway. Cities are being rebuilt and repopulated. With new safety measures in place, they are able to withstand our new weather patterns with greater success. Coastal cities, especially along the east coast, have seen massive changes to infrastructure that allow them to thrive once more. Humanity has seen the worst things imaginable come, and Humanism has done its best to replace worry with enlighten…”

The announcer’s voice was once again cut off as Reefer muted the TV. The responding jeers from the rest of us didn’t seem to faze him as he spoke.

“Fuck that guy! ’E’s just spewin’ a load of crap. Seriously?” he continued in a mocking copy of the announcer’s voice. “’Umanity ‘as seen the worst things come, an’ ’umanism ’as done its best. For Christ’s sake, they talked about the Tidal Unity whateva last hour, ‘A beautiful en’ for each person as they choose,’ an’ now this joker is talkin’ about the ‘umanism revival. Christ, nobody’s talkin’ about Ignio slowly spiralin’ closa. ‘Ell, I ‘eard it won’t be much longa before that fucka ‘its us, an’ then we’re really fucked.” He rolled off Jenn onto his feet. “It’s too much man. Fuck that guy!” he repeated and tossed the remote down, haphazardly knocking over several empty beer bottles. “Anyone else need anotha beer?”

Autumn shouted after him, “The Tidal Unity Movement, dumbass. How hard is that to remember?”

“I’ll take one,” called Dre.

“Yeah, those guys.” Reefer responded, his voice muffled with his face in the fridge. “I mean, what kinda nutjob follows a movement where you gotta off yourself?”

Looking after Reefer, Autumn responded with obvious and intense heat in her voice. “Nutjob? Fuck you Reefer.”

I saw Reefer peak his head back out of the fridge, confusion and several alterative substances evident in his face. “Woah, ’ey Tum, what was that for?”

“Tidal Unity isn’t a bunch of crazy people Reefer. It’s just a choice. A way out that everyone can take if they want to.”

Reefer stared blankly at Autumn for a moment before he began to chuckle. “Good one Tum. You ‘ad me goin’ for a second there.” Continuing to chuckle, he went back to rummaging in the fridge.

I could feel Autumn shaking, and I looked down to see a mix of rage and hurt in her eyes. Her voice took on the cold edge of a razor, and she clipped each word short as she responded. “I wasn’t joking Reefer.”

He must not have heard her, or else he might have thought better about his next words. “I mean, yeah, it’s their choice, but suicide is suicide. I’d ratha not spen’ eternity in ’ell. Shit!” The sound of breaking glass followed as several bottles hit the hard tiled floor.

Jenn sighed and got up to help, while Rosa went to comfort a startled Acid Mike and Dre went to the broom closet. “Don’t touch anything Jared.” Jenn said to Reefer, “We’ll sweep it up.”

“I’ll grab some towels.” Autumn said as she used my leg to help herself off the ground. “Can you help me Grant?”

“Sure.” Came my easy reply and she took my hand to help me stand. Her bathroom was through her bedroom, and I followed her.

Her bathroom didn’t have a door, so I instinctively closed the bedroom door behind me. When I turned around, Autumn had her head down and her shoulders were shaking. I could hear small sobs escaping from her as though she were trying to hide them. “Hey, whoa.” I said, coming up behind her to put a hand on her shoulder, then moving around and bending over to look at her face. “What’s up?”

“Reefer’s such an asshole.” She sobbed. “Not everyone wants to hear his dumb, pot-stained, brain spout off about his beliefs.” She leaned against me, and I hugged her trying to understand what was happening.

She continued. “Tidal Unity isn’t a bunch of crazy people killing themselves, you know. The Movement is important. I know it sounds strange, but it gives people hope. Like we have a choice. After this last decade, some people just want to know they can choose what happens to them. Even if that choice is to die.” She trailed off and I could feel her silently sobbing, her body tense, against my chest. I didn’t have any words so I just held her close, one hand stroking the intricate knots of her braided hair.

After a moment she seemed to calm a bit, and she sagged into the hug. With a finger, I lifted her chin to look into her eyes. Her mascara hadn’t run, but I could see tear lines in the foundation on her rounded cheeks. Her eyes were glittering again. This time with more tears instead of mischief. She stopped nibbling on her lower lip after a moment and then she said, in halting words, “What’s wrong with me?”

I immediately answered. “Nothing. Why?”

“I mean,” she continued, “we flirt all the time, but nothing happens. I know you’re into me, at least a little, tonight isn’t the first time I’ve felt you get hard.”

That was unexpected. “Wait. I…uh. What?”

“Seriously Grant. We’ve known each other a long time, and I’ve wanted to fuck you for a while now. Ever since that bitch Chrystal broke up with you. But, it’s like you’ve been in some shitty funk since then.”

“You want to fuck me?”

My words came out a bit strangled, and she flinched back. “I’m sorry I said anything. Here, let’s get those towels.” As she turned away, I reached out and grabbed her hand. It was warmer than I had expected, and there was a slight sheen of sweat on her palm. She turned, her eyes met mine, and we came together for a kiss we desperately wanted. We lingered in the kiss, feeling the heat between us grow. Soon the heat was all that mattered to either of us.

She flicked her Ramones t-shirt off, the curving nature of her stomach butted up against the swell of her breasts. Her nipples were large and hard and dark. Her soft skin was very smooth and very pale with no discernable tan lines.

I frantically began to tear at my own clothing. Nothing of her grace of movement was evident in my reactions. I was jerky, and clumsy, and had started to sweat. In my haste, each layer came off more slowly than I wanted.

She had undone my belt, and the weight of the leather strap pulled my khakis down to gather around my ankles. Then she did the most sensual thing I have ever experienced. She knelt down, careful not to touch me, and untied my shoes. The sight of her, half naked and on her knees hit my like a physical blow. I tripped over the tangle of my pants, and I ended up falling back onto the bed. I kicked off my shoes and the tangle of my pants, and then quickly undid the last of the buttons on my shirt flinging it aside. She stood up from her kneeling position and began to remove her leggings. They too bunched around her ankles, and we shared an exasperated laugh before they finally came free.

She slowly crawled up my body, leaving delicate lines of kisses from my thighs to my neck missing nothing. By the time she finally kissed my lips again, I was so hard that the pain of it was delicious. She was straddling me, and I felt her hand lightly tickle my stomach before she wrapped her hand around me and helped guide me into her.

What followed is difficult to put into words. I’ve never had sex like it before. It was great sex. Magnifacent sex. The kind of sex I’ll never forget. Sex that felt as though more than just our bodies connected. There’s too much to describe. The slick warmth of her as she closed around me. The frantic rhythm of our motions slowly synching to the same beat. The exquisite feel of her breasts in my hands. The taste of her on my tongue. The smell of our sex filling the room. The sounds of her harsh moans urging me slower or faster. I’m not sure how long it was before I felt her thighs tighten around my waist, and her arms lock around my neck. She finished before I did, the rippling motion of her climax driving me to my end. I prepared to pull out before I finished, remembering that I wasn’t wearing a condom, when she looked me in the eyes and rasped between harsh breaths. “No. Please. Stay with me.”

My God those words were sexy.

Sometime later we came to our senses, and the first thing we noticed was that the TV was back on…and it was very loud. We shared a soft laugh and Autumn crawled out of bed. She grabbed my button-up shirt off the floor and pulled it on as she headed to the bathroom. It was too small for her, and it exposed her front to the mirror. Something that I very much appreciated. She was perfect.

Not perfection, nothing as vulgar as that. But she was perfect for me. She was smiling, though I thought a bit sadly. She noticed me staring and wriggled in front of the mirror. I laughed, and growled, and made other appreciative noises.

“Talk about a tidal unity movement.” I said, quirking an eyebrow. She stopped wriggling, all at once, and I saw sadness enter into her eyes for the briefest moment.

“You,” she said, “are much better at using your mouth for sex than for words.”

“It’s a curse,” I replied.

She responded with a throaty laugh, and lay back down next to me. “I’m glad I could help discover your true talents.” Again, a hint of sadness appeared behind her eyes as she spoke, and there was a slight tremble to her voice.

“Hey, is everything ok?” I asked, rolling onto my side facing her.

“Yeah,” she said, “I’m just tired.” A bit of mischief crept into her voice. “Someone seems to have worn me out.”

We both laughed and she leaned up against me. She smelled of fresh soap, beer, and sex. A short time later, I heard her breath deepen into sleep, and I joined her.

I came awake when the surge hit. It was very loud, and the building shook slightly under the initial impact of the suddenly rising tide. It always reminded me of the wave pools I used to enjoy as a kid. Before the Collision. Before thoughts of those pools began to cause nightmares. The TV was off, and I could imagine everyone in the living room curled up in their sleeping bags. The one that Dre had brought for me would be empty, and the thought made me smile.

Why is it so loud? I thought.

I noticed Autumn wasn’t in bed. We had fallen asleep above the blankets, but I was now covered with a spare she kept in her closet. Even with it, I was shivering from the cold. Then I noticed that the door from her room out onto the balcony was wide open. That’s why it’s so loud.

I rolled out of bed, and searched for my clothes. I couldn’t find where Autumn had put my shirt, so I wrapped the spare blanket around me and went to look out on the balcony.

Autumn was there, and aside from my shirt, she was still naked.

“Hey Stranger.” I said as I closed the balcony door behind me. She made a startled jump and turned to look back at me.

“Oh. Grant. Hey.”

“Aren’t you cold out here?” I asked, opening up the blanket for her to share.

“What? Oh. No, I’m fine. I’m trying to get used to the cold.”

I gave her a skeptical look. “Why?”

Again, that look of sadness entered her eyes, but this time she didn’t hide it. “Grant?”

“Yeah?”

“What do you think of Tidal Unity?”

It took me a moment to understand what she was talking about. “I guess,” I replied hesitantly, “I’ve never really thought about it.”

“Oh.” She replied her eyes lowering as she turned to look back out at the incoming surge of tide. After a moment of silence she spoke again. “It seems worse lately, doesn’t it?”

“Maybe,” I responded. Then, trying to cheer up the mood with bad comedy, I said. “Although if Reefer ends up being right about Ignio, I think I’d have to kill myself.”

She didn’t share in my laughter, and I quickly quieted. “Hey,” I asked, taking a step closer and reaching out with a hand. “What’s wrong?”

Even though the balcony was small, Autumn found a way to take a step away from me. “Please, don’t.” The sound of her voice was nearly drown out as another surge of the tide slammed into the buildings massive stilts. Though she was hard to hear, the pain in her voice came through. She had large tears in her eyes, and she had turned her back to the balcony’s rail to look at me.

“Grant, I’m so sorry. I just wanted to know what it was like to be with you.”

I dropped my voice to something soothing. “It was amazing Autumn. You’re amazing.”

I watched as a bit of spray from the newest surge of the tide managed to make it up to Autumn’s balcony and splash onto her back. She quivered, and the motion which had, minutes ago, seemed so erotic was now troubling.

“The water’s cold.” She said in a whisper, barely loud enough for me to hear.

A spike of purest terror lanced through me as I had a thought. “Autumn,” my voice laced with the terror I was feeling. “Let’s go back inside.”

“I’ve made my choice, Grant.”

“But…” I started to say something, anything that would keep her where she was so that I could grab her.

“Please don’t hate me.” She tipped backward over the railing.

I rushed forward screaming and looked down to see her plummeting toward the rising ocean waves. I could still see her nakedness as she fell. My shirt around her shoulders a, too small, funeral shroud. I thought, just for a moment, that I could hear the snap of the shirt’s material in the wind. It sounded a lot like a shattered dream.