Pass it on

When Poppa yelled and cussed and Momma cried

When Lizzy held us close and stilled the sobs

When broken glass seemed shattering our world

The three of us crouched down among the dogs.

A chubby hand, a gentle whine, a sniff

In darkness sheltered and in silence safe

And Lizzie’s hair stuck wetly to her cheek

My pounding heart, a tail stiff and straight.

Now day by day I read my sister’s eyes

I saw the need within her flame and grow

I knew that someday Liz would kiss and leave us

Because we could not come where she would go.

I lay in bed at night and clutched her nightdress

I fastened it to mine with safety pins

I prayed, I lied, I hid her bags and toothbrush

But knew that she would leave despite my sins.

The day I found her gone I cried my heart out

I sat and rocked for hours on the bed

She’d left a letter pinned onto her nightdress;

I still remember every word it said:

“My darling Tess, I won’t be coming home now

I’ll miss you every moment every day

It’s time that I should go off on my own now

Look after Kimmy, make sure she’s okay.

“I do not love you less because I leave you

I walk the path that I was meant to go

And one day you’ll be sixteen, too, my Tessy

I promise you, when that day comes you’ll know.”

The days and nights rolled by; the fights grew louder

I took my sister Kimmy to my heart

The days would see us clinging to each other

The nights would find us crouching in the dark.

The years rolled by and Momma broke her finger

She bruised herself from falling down the stairs

She cut her lip deep walking into scaffolds

And nightly Kim and I whispered our prayers.

At last it came – the night before my birthday

At last it came – the fight before I fled

I saw poor Momma’s ‘accidental’ stumble

I saw the push and heard her crack her head.

The day I turned sixteen I wrote a letter

I packed a bag and turned away from home

I thought of Kimmy finding my place empty;

Of Kimmy standing, reading all alone:

“My darling Kim, I won’t be coming home now

I’ll miss you every moment every day

Look after yourself, Kimmy, you’re alone now

Make sure that you are safe, that you’re okay.

“I do not love you less because I leave you

I walk the path that I was meant to go

And one day you’ll be sixteen, too, my Kimmy

I promise you, when that day comes, you’ll know.”