sparkle like you mean it

There is nothing left, no room inside my chest where the monster lives. A fathomless blackness that has carved itself a home. I can feel its nails gouge from time to time, reminding me that it can always be worse, that seemingly random words can hurt more than the knives I drag across my skin. There is no concept of tomorrows, of time, of plans. There is nothing but this, and the swirling, roaring screams that only I can hear, the oily clouds behind my eyes that only I can see. The stranger in the mirror with my face. The creature has eaten my dreams, my sense, my self preservation. It whispers words that ring with truth that I can’t differentiate from lies. It reminds me to smile, to laugh, to sparkle, to lie. Cry when no-one is watching. I don’t deserve them. They can’t know. Dead inside. Sparkle.