an unexpected life

Justice Rios banged her gavel and every bone in my body dissolved. I couldn’t believe it was finally over. Rick Gowen was going to prison for the rest of his life for the kidnapping and murder of my daughter. His life was over, just as he had ended hers, and mine could finally start again. I sobbed as he screamed his innocence all the way out of the courtroom.

I owed this miracle of due process largely to Detective Wingartt, the 23 year police veteran who stood next to me now, supporting me in more than just the line of duty. My life had been on hold for the last 13 years, since Holly disappeared, waiting, and praying to any God who would listen to please find my baby and the man who took her. 17 months ago Gerald Wingartt knocked on my door and changed my life. I could still hear the words in my mind…

“Good evening. Are you Mrs. Jillian Murphy?” He continued at my nod, “Mrs. Murphy, my name is Detective Gerald Wingartt. I have some information about your daughter. May I come in?”

And then my whole world began to spin and hasn’t stopped since.

On an anonymous tip Gerard and his partner searched a previously combed section of woods and had discovered the bones of a child, bearing the tatters of a dark blue dress, with a delicate gold chain around her neck. Exactly what Holly had been wearing when she disappeared. I still remember the feel of her hair as I swept it aside to zip the back of that dress, and adjusted the chain with the little engraved star charm I had given her for her birthday. Dental records were a match.

Amazingly, DNA evidence had been found on her body, even more amazingly there was a match in something called the Combined DNA Index System which is basically an enormous FBI file full of DNA samples. I couldn’t believe it. They had someone.

Gerard got permission from a judge to return Holly’s gold chain to me before the trial, I think it may have been then that I started falling for him.

“There was a charm, a star, did they find it?” I had asked him tearfully, so overwhelmed.

“No,” He said, “I’m so sorry, they didn’t. It could have been lost anywhere. Or he could have kept it. Sometimes they do.”

A shiver had kissed my spine. I found that this sick, disturbed man having kept something of Holly’s bothered me deeply.

Gerard, seeing my disquiet, distracted me with details of what would come next. He left me his number and told me to call if I needed to talk. I had been through years of therapy and was mostly talked out, but I called anyway. His voice was deep and soothing, and if I closed my eyes I could picture his lips moving.

We grew closer as the trial approached, there was so much information he needed from me, together we helped the prosecution paint a portrait of a living breathing little girl with big hopes and dreams. The process broke me. Gerard helped put me back together again.

He and I agreed to keep our relationship a secret, nothing could interfere with the case, nothing was more important.

Two weeks after the verdict came back he proposed.

I said yes.

He started moving his things into my place last week

I haven’t told him yet, but I’m pregnant. I bought a pair of baby booties today and I’m going to wrap them up in a shoebox to surprise him. He’s going to flip!

After 5 minutes of searching my closet I can’t believe I don’t own a single shoebox. His closet is so crazy well organized and even though he doesn’t like having his stuff touched, I doubt he’ll care if I disturb it for something like this. After some careful poking I pick out a smallish blue box with a hinged lid. Inside are a few trinkets that I explore carefully before setting aside. A gently battered copy of Alice in Wonderland with Leanne Jackson written inside. A bracelet made of scuffed plastic beads that spell out Mercy. A red ribbon about 18 inches long. And a small cardboard box tied with a string. Curiosity was getting the better of me, I had to open the box.

God. I wish I hadn’t.

A scrap of dark blue fabric stared back at me. I heard his voice in my head, “Sometimes they do” Sometimes the monsters keep trophies.

I could hardly breathe. My hands shook so badly that I dropped the box, the fabric still pinched between my fingers. There it was, on the carpet, sparkling in the overhead light.

A tiny gold star with an H engraved on it.

I hadn’t heard the front door, or the footsteps on the stairs.

“Jilly?” Gerard called. Then his voice shifted into something I didn’t recognize, the voice of a monster. “Oh, I wish you hadn’t done that.”