unwritten, unread, and unsent.

Dearest You,

Although I'm willing to wager what pretty pennies I have that you won't read this or stumble across it, I'll write it for my sake. You were so well-versed at destroying me anytime we had a disagreement, be it worth two glances or none at all, because of this I have to say my piece and perhaps it'll leave me, I hope. On the occasions I do remember our time together, which in all honesty, it's not like I can forget nearly 5 years in a matter of a few months, I look at them so dumbfounded. You eagerly claim to me at times now, that things aren't easy for you and weren't because of everything we went through and what have you. I wish you'd save your breath for words that carried volume to ears that would hear them, I have grown deaf on you, seeing that you speak one way and act another.

You string together these reasons I should believe you over everything else, this isn't an argument, you can't beat me here. You were caught with your intent exposed, hands red. You like to claim that there was an evil in your life long before I existed and you used to say I saved you from it, hope your next victim appreciates it. They get to avoid the way you would take your aggression out on me when no one knew. I'll never forget what it was like to let someone do what you did to me much like you say what was done to you. I remember what it was to romance the devil when the form it took on was lust, before you, and it was definitely an evil carnal thing, I shattered hearts and destroyed visions. The next form it took was wrath and envy, so of course this time I would have those things smashed in my life.

I want you to know that I'm not coming back, ever. I'm not the same person I was during our tenure, I haven't grown much, but enough to know the answer isn't with another heart but fixing mine. I definitely had my struggles that you helped me with, so thanks for that. I give my best effort every day and I now realize something an ex's dad once said "One day you'll realize how small you are". Ha. Bittersweet words for me to choke on for now and regurgitate later. You won't own me, hold me down, and odds are, see me again except in your searches of social media. I will openly avoid you. If you approach me, I will say nothing. Your cold hearted betrayal has earned this but deserves so much more, and I'll leave that in the hands of the blasphemer you took over me behind my back and out of my scope of vision.

I know we left on terms that I wouldn't trust you again but trust me, these words are a definite symbol of where we are. I didn't want to cut your family out, but they remind me of you, and I can't stand the thought of you, in any context. The thinnest line is truly the ones the fates fashion from hate and love. I will never climb to the mountains seeking anyone's hand in marriage. I will never dive to the bottom of the sea to discover a world unknown with the thought of love nearby. No, I will do these things for the sheer discovery of me now. I need to know I'm not completely broken and wasted. I know you'll tell me you're not okay and all the other words you can save for the garbage, so just go on and live this life for whatever it has in store for you and try to make memories to cover up the ones I made with you. Thank you for giving me time that I must now withdraw more time in order to cover up or use to forget.

Wasted sincerities and overdue goodbyes,

B.