All I can do nowadays is write these shitty poems that I mistake for songs
...even though I know that nobody will listen to my songs or read my poetry and they're all about my problems anyway and even my therapist doesn't want to hear my ranting...why would you listen to my singing?
I am told that I have perfect pitch, but that was from my ex, was she just trying to be nice and sweet? I am told that sometimes I come off like I'm a bitch, especially when I'm walking and in a hurry. Don't they know? Don't you know? Just how stoned and fucked up in the head I am, that sometimes I don't care to be present, don't care to be there, don't care to be here, don't care to get to know you or talk to you and I have a pretty good feeling you feel the same way about me.
But I feel nervous like a virgin getting to third base as I go up on stage and there is no protection from the bacteria run rampant in this microphone, here I tremble and awkwardly stand and even more awkwardly dance during instrumentals.
I know before the music plays before the first lyrics hit the screen that my voice will crack, break, shake and disappoint me.
Does anybody actually enjoy this or am I just doing this for me?
Is my voice stuck inside my throat because I don't feel good enough, to allow myself to choke, get up there, too high for this right now, barely even there. Forcing myself to be present when I am just drifting endlessly.