Happiness

Dancing

My name is Happy. But I should have been named Lucky. I always loved dancing since I was just a little girl. I twirled and I jumped and waved my hands, and my parents laughed and cheered me on. It thrilled them to watch me dance. They signed me up for ballet, acrobatic rock’n’roll, modern dancing, and any other classes I wanted. They attended every show and competition I took part in, sometimes exhausted from work but always proud to watch me perform. It was a very happy childhood even though we had to leave our home city for a while because of the war. A year and a half we spent at our relatives’ place in the big city. I was happy there too, lots of new friends and many more classes for me to learn how to dance and competitions to show my skills. And even when my parents had a fight with my relatives and we had to leave for the refugee camp, which was in an abandoned military building, I was happy; I got the chance to explore the ugly building with my new friends and go on adventures...

Now I am a grown up, and still very lucky. Me and my boyfriend live in a place of our own. He is studying medicine while I work and provide for us until he finishes and becomes a doctor. His parents are paying his studies, but I pay the rent, the bills and everything else we need. He says I can quit when he finishes school but I don’t know do I even want to quit. I am a stripper and so what? I enjoy myself every day and get paid for my dancing! It’s not like I’m a hooker or something like that. I just dance. If someone gets too handsy the bouncer tosses them out, and I love how men look at me with hunger in their eyes while I dance. Mom and dad don’t like it either. They stopped talking to me a few months ago, but they’ll come around when they cool off and see how happy I am. They always said they only want for me to be happy. And it’s not like it’s forever. I intend to become famous and rich, maybe as an actress or a singer if I can’t earn enough dancing. Or I won’t even need to earn money when my love becomes a doctor and starts making big bucks. I could dance then for fun and pure enjoyment and be a wonderful wife and a mother to our many kids we’ll have. My darling says he wants at least three as soon as we have stability in our lives. I love him. I am so happy!

Failure

What have we done wrong? Is it not crazy enough that Happy shacked up with that mean boy who considers himself smarter than god, now she is stripping too? That must be his idea, he is as bad as a rotten tooth. He lives on his parents’ allowance and that’s not enough for him; he had to make my little girl strip? So he could spend his allowance on booze and drugs and go out every night she is working! He thinks he is so clever, telling her that he is learning while she works. I personally saw him staggering home on many Sunday mornings, so drunk he doesn’t even notice me observing him from my balcony. And I even heard he cheats on her every time he gets the chance, the lousy scoundrel! He tells her all sorts of lies, filling her mind with dreams he never intends to fulfill. He talks to her about a life of leisure and comfort, about children and stability. Like he doesn’t know he can never even finish his studies behaving as he does! And she, my little girl, she believes his every word. She is so mesmerized by his false posing, so in love, she can’t realize we only want what’s best for her. She disregarded our pleads to leave him, and that’s understandable, she is young and she is in love. We hoped, she’ll come around, she’ll see through his mask. But she didn’t, she just stayed stubborn, until the day she declared she’s moving in with him. She didn’t listen to her mother begging her to stay, she didn’t listen to me threatening to never talking to her again. She just smiled and left with the creep!

Now my love is crying in the bedroom, and my only child is God knows where, taking her clothes of. For the pleasure of strangers, perverts, miserable wretches, who can’t hold on to a real woman, so they dream of having my daughter. Sitting here in the living room, not watching the show on TV, I dream of exposing the bastard that took my girl. I am so mad I might explode, I could rip his head off with my bare hands. I can’t allow myself to be sad, so I don’t die from sadness, like it’s killing my wife and my marriage... We survived all the hardships till now, the war, the exile to a strange city and estranged relatives, the loss of our jobs and apartment, everything life threw at our faces. We survived because of love and understanding for each other, and to insure our daughter have a happy life. But now, I don’t know if our marriage can survive this sadness and rage, this unbelievable turn of events. Will we ever be happy again?

The doctor

Happy is a wonderful girl. She made me feel great, and that is what I loved from the beginning. I always knew I was special, better than everybody else, that’s why everyone always rejected me, because of envy. And Happy saw my greatness, my strength and intelligence, it reflected in her eyes from the first time she spoke with me. Every time I look in her eyes I see that fascination and belief in my abilities. And that’s why I won’t leave her no matter what her parents say. They think I am just taking advantage of her, that I’m going to leave and hurt her. I shall do as I promised as I always do. I’ll finish medical school even I if I have to bribe every professor there to let me pass, they are just envious like everybody else, flunking me for the smallest mistakes on every opportunity. They are old and they have failed in their lives, teaching instead of healing, frustrated little people. And I’ll stop drinking when the stress passes, when I finally graduate and am able to start fulfilling my promises. I’ll love her with time, and I’ll love our children, like my parents never loved me. They had enough money to pay for my older brother’s and sister’s education. Mom and dad always had the time and understanding for their problems, they weren’t tired and uninterested as with me. They will be sorry when I succeed, and when I ignore them like they ignored me.

I am sitting in the gutter now, smiling as I fell. It doesn’t hurt, I can’t feel much pain when I’m this drunk. I can barely see, I have to close one eye to focus. I couldn’t even stand it when it was just me failing, how could I stand to be sober knowing Happy is stripping? At least I am coming home early tonight, I won’t have to pretend I don’t notice her judging father on his balcony, despising me for ruining his daughter and her life. I’ll show him too, when I succeed. And I’ll never forget he and his wife tried to brake us apart. Happy doesn’t mind when I drink but I don’t want her watching me in that state, weak and unable to control myself. Another reason to come home early. Maybe I’ll fall to sleep before she arrives from her job tonight. And I’ll dream about a nice life with her at home, taking care of our children, and me saving people’s lives at my job, respected and loved from everyone. I will stop drinking. I will finish school. I will make good on my promises to Happy. And I will be happy!